Can't Lose Him
by CTTFICFAN
Summary: Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFIC
1. Chapter 1

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, We don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 1**

Kate wanted to solve her case but without a lead, she was just wasting her time. This case was definitely one of the Beckett Flavored as they called them, full of both robbery and murder. It was one of the rare times she would consent to work with another detective not from her Homicide floor but, she thought she would let whoever they sent to help, just do the theft part and as long as they stayed out of her way, she would be happy.

She was just about to inquire who drew the assignment from Robbery when a tall sandy-haired man strode toward her and announced,

"Detective Beckett? I'm detective Tom Demming from Robbery Division, they said you were going to need assistance on this case."

"Hi Detective Demming, and I never said I needed help, I was told to include Robbery to handle that part of the case while we focused on the murder." She said a bit harsher than she had intended.

Rick sat on the sideline, in his chair, doing what he did best, people watch and from where he sat there was definitely some sparks flying between the two detectives, not over case details but when they looked at each other, it was almost like watching them undress the other with their eyes.

Kate had never behaved like this with anyone before and it just helped confirm the feeling Rick had been having for quite some time, no matter what he did, in Beckett's eyes he would never be enough, not enough to be anything more than the Consultant who wormed his way into her life through his contacts with the Mayor's office.

For the next few hours, Rick listened and watched as Detective Demming was brought up to speed on the facts of the case and presented his best case of flirting with the female cop. To her credit, Becket was as flirtatious or more so than the new Detective, almost to a point where Rick was getting embarrassed. He thought about uttering the suggestions "get a room" but he knew she would kill him if he said it.

Several hours later they were conducting an interview with one of the chief suspects, Victor Racine. To Rick, they were getting nothing useful with their questions, but apparently, they both thought differently, perhaps the ongoing open flirting was the distraction that clouded his understanding of the progress of "real cops"

Finally, the interview was over, with the two detectives congratulating the other for what Rick had no clue. He watched her as she watched detective Demming walk away. And when she looked back at him, at least she had the sense to be just a little ashamed. And then she said to him, "What?"

His answer was, "Nothing. Nothing at all." And then they preceded to leave Victor Racine's office.

It was then when detective Demming had a thought.

"Detective Beckett I have a hunch I want to check out. If this pans out, I think you'll have a solid lead you need to move forward." He called out over his shoulder,

"Thanks, Tom," Kate said as he continued to walk away.

Rick knew right there that there was not a chance in hell, all doubts were gone and any hopes dead now. He would never be with Kate in that way now, even if wonder boy from Robbery hadn't come along there would have been someone or something else that would prevent her from seeing him as anything but a nuisance.

His decision was now crystal clear but he would not be childish in a manner of speaking when he told her that he was finished following her around. He would take the high road and be the bigger man so to speak.

He should have known that she would be more interested in something that Demming could offer. It would be tough for him to continue to follow her around like he had been doing for the past year, especially now with the obvious flirtations going on between the two, but he would help her finish this case and then that would be it.

The ride back to the precinct was quiet, not at all like their normal carefree banter. Gone where her constant admonishments of something he had proposed or said about an alien suspect, or theories since he had been completely silent all the way back to the station.

"Castle, you OK?" she asked as they pulled into her parking space, "I mean you haven't said a word since we left Racine's office," Kate asked softly,

"I'm fine Detective, perfectly fine" he replied softly and flashed her his public smile, the one he showed the press.

Kate started to ask him some follow up questions but was surprised when she saw he was already up out of the car and headed toward the elevator to homicide floor before she even knew he was gone. She hung back for a minute and Detective Demming joined her for the elevator ride back to her desk.

When they arrived at their floor and started out of the elevator, Tom was babbling on and on, but Kate's eyes searched out her partner. She finally saw him, just inside the breakroom, with the door closed. She started toward him, then noticed he was on the phone and didn't look happy so she returned to her desk.

A few moments later she picked up Rick out of the corner of her eye and fully expected him to sit in his chair next to her desk. She waited, and finally looked up,

Rick started to speak and said "Sorry to intrude, Detective Beckett, I have something that I need to take care of and I'm confident that you and Demming can handle whatever comes up. Please let me know if something major comes up with the lead he's working, just give me a call, and I'll try to get back today. If not, I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"Castle, what do you mean you'll be back in the morning? Aren't you going to wait and find out what lead detective Demming might have?"

"Listen, Kate, this is your show, it's your case and you run it how you see fit. I'm only a consultant and not a real cop as you both keep reminding me. I really do have to attend this meeting I forgot all about honestly."

"Castle, what about the case? Don't you want to know what we find? It's only noon and there could be a lot we discover."

"Kate you've been a detective for the past six years. The last three of those years you been a lead detective. I'm pretty sure that you don't need my assistance. You've done quite fine solving cases without me and it seems that detective Demming is sweet on you. Now I really do have to get to a meeting with my publisher. On that note detective Beckett, I will see you bright and early in the morning."

By the time Rick made it down to the stairs and into the lobby he already had a plan formulating in his head. Tomorrow will come and like always he will help her solve the case with whatever clues they unearthed today.

As he pushed the door open to the lobby he wondered if he was just a little bit jealous. He shook it off and walked out onto the sidewalk to hail a cab. The ride took twenty minutes and he ended up back at the loft. He knew that his mother was away up in Lake George doing summer stock, and Alexis had a sleepover with her friend Paige after school. So, the loft was all his.

Kate returned back to the twelfth precinct and no sooner had she sat down at her desk, Demming arrived on the homicide floor. He scanned the floor to see if she was there and when their eyes locked, he was quick to move towards her.

"It seems that this was a good hunch Detective Beckett. We have the financials on Finch. It seems that he was getting regular payments for carrying out shady deliveries for Racine. The only problem was he would take every fifth shipment and sell it on his own keeping the cash."

"How does that get us any closer to Racine?"

"All we need to do is dig into his life and I'm sure that we'll find something to connect him to this murder," Demming said.

Xx

The next morning came, Rick was torn with emotions but sadly ordered the last coffee that he would ever bring Kate Beckett. He gathered the familiar to-go order from the barista and headed towards the twelfth. As he climbed the stairs to enter, he was almost mowed down by Kate, Esposito, Ryan, and Demming as they rush down the stairs to get to their cars.

"What's going on?" Rick asked.

"Castle, I can't talk right now. We have a solid lead on Racine. We need to get there before he starts to destroy evidence." Kate said as she and Demming reach her cruiser.

Rick watched as they took off like bats out of hell, with a stranger riding in his familiar spot, eh better get used to it, not even gone and already replaced. He looked down at the coffee he was holding and decided to toss hers. What's the difference anyway? It would be cold by the time she got to drink it. He turned back in the direction of the loft and he walked away from the precinct, forgoing a cab to allow a long walk to clear his head, now if it could only do the same for his heart.

Xx

The following morning, he repeated the heartbreaking sequence of the previous day and arrived at the twelfth with yet another cup of coffee for her. This time he found her at her desk filling out paperwork for the case she was working. He placed her cup of coffee on her desk and took his customary seat next to her desk.

"Thanks, Castle."

"You're welcome, Beckett."

"You should have stayed yesterday Castle. The information we got from Racine's financials solved the case. We arrested him yesterday afternoon for the murder of Finch."

"Well, detective there was never a doubt in my mind. I knew you would solve it and that makes what I am going to say that much easier. I'm behind the eight ball with my latest chapters I owe to Black Pawn, and I'm feeling the heat as only Gina knows how to deliver.

Now that you solved this case, I figured that now would be the best time to part ways. God knows I've been a pain in your ass for the past year, but I will cherish the time I spent here with you, Esposito, Ryan."

The second that he said they were going to part ways her heart practically stopped beating. She inhaled deeply and held it as if he would rescind what he had just said.

"You're leaving?"

"Detective, I'm not blind. I see what's going on between you and detective Demming. I'm not one to step on anyone's toes, so I think now is a good time for me to take my leave with whatever dignity I have left."

Knowing that the case has been solved, Rick rose from the chair, extended his hand towards detective Beckett, and made a motion to shake her hand.

She looked at his hand and then up to his face. The second she locked eyes with him her eyes started to mist just a little. She stood up from her desk and faced him then met his hand in the handshake grip. He shook her hand, briefly, and without a great deal of passion or emotion, and released her hand all too soon, well in her mind.

"It's been a pleasure Detective Beckett. And I hope that you able to solve the case that we were never ever able to solve together."

Rick turned and left the homicide floor. He passed Ryan and Esposito on the way out, wearing WTH looks like there was something wrong. He decided to let Kate tell them what she wanted to, as he said he was her show to run in her own way. He stepped out into the lobby and gave Foster the desk sergeant a nod on his way out.

Once outside, he took a deep cleansing breath, trying to cleanse the memories, hurt, and disappointments away. He knew it would take a lot more than this, but he was proud that at least he had taken that huge first step, he had left the source of his heartbreak.

Kate knew what he was talking about when he mentioned the case that she could never solve. She only wished he had stayed to see it to the end, she truly had gotten used to him pulling her pigtails, and perhaps, no this was Richard Freakin Castle, he would never see anything in her she fought her thoughts.

Xx

He decided that writing would be a better use of his time and entered the subway to return home to the loft. Less than an hour later, he was back behind his desk typing up a storm on his laptop. He lost track of time and before he realized, it was almost midnight. He got up from his desk and stretched as was his normal tradition.

His battle with his own thoughts continued, thoughts of her and him together, and if he were being honest with himself, he wanted a shot of whiskey but then decided against it. He needed to be clearheaded when he finished the last Nikki Heat book. A glass of water it is and he headed back to his desk.

He glanced at the floor, apparently an incoming call had caused the vibration, the ring tone was off when he was writing, had vibrated his phone to the floor below the desk. His first thought was that it was probably detective Beckett calling but when he picked up the phone and turned it over, he saw a number he didn't recognize. Just as he was trying to figure out who could be calling him this late at night and from an unknown number no less the phone rang again.

"Hello, Rick Castle."

"Mr. Castle, we need to have a conversation and rather quickly I might add."

Rick pulled his phone away from his ear and looked at the phone as if to ask is this guy is serious.

"Listen mister…. What's your name?"

"There's no need for names right now Mr. Castle. We need to talk. Tomorrow meet me in Washington Square Park near the Hangman's Elm. It's on the East…"

"I know where it is." Rick interrupted.

"Be there at 6 am sharp. No excuses, Mr. Castle. A life hangs in the balance."

Rick wanted to question whose life he was talking about, but the line was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chp 2**

Rick Castle didn't hate many things, but if he had to list one item it would surely be his alarm clock going off at this ungodly hour. Knowing himself all too well, he had set it for 4:45 figuring he would have an additional 15 minutes to wake up. Well, that ship had now sailed and the last tone is going off at 4:55. if he didn't get out of bed now and get a shower he never would.

Now that his procrastination had put him behind schedule, there wasn't time to get a cup of coffee out of his machine in the kitchen. Plan B, he always had a backup plan, or so he liked to think, the Starbucks near the park opened at 5:30 and if he can get there in time, he'll be one of the first customers in line.

He grabbed his phone, wallet, threw on his jacket and headed out the door. As he predicted he was the first in line at Starbucks when they opened up at 5:30. He had time to make a quick walk around the park and can see that there is no one by the Hangman's Elm. He enters the park from the East and is not far from the Hangman's Elm. Now he sees an older man standing 10 feet from it.

He cautiously approaches keeping his hands down at his sides just in case. The man although looking older as he gets closer seems to be in perfect health.

"Mr. Castle walk with me." The man said before Rick reached him.

"Who are you?" Rick demands.

Silence, as they walk around the bend into a more secluded part of the park. Suddenly Rick has a gun in his ribs, and the older gentleman is bowing slightly as he said goodbye to whoever had the gun in his back.

"Who are you, Son of Sam over there," Rick asked, always using his wit to try to diffuse or catch the adversary off-balance.

"Who I am, or who my associate is Mr. Castle is of little or no concern to you. You should know we have uncovered information that could be very instrumental in saving someone's life. Someone who is very close to you."

The only thing Rick can think of is that someone wants his daughter or mother dead or injured maybe. Those are the only two people he's close to on this earth. When Rick looks up at the man, he sees that he is trying to figure out who he is talking about.

"It's neither your daughter or your mother Mr. Castle. This is someone you work with on a daily basis."

"Beckett? Who'd want her dead?"

"It's come to the attention of a select few that she has been sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. She's stirred the pot so to speak. The only reason I found out is that I have friends in high places.

Someone will be sent to take all our lives, or anyone they consider a threat to the cause. I know the assassin they are sending for this contract and he will do it up close and personal. He likes to see the pain, the anguish, and wants his victims to see who takes them out."

"There has to be a way to stop this person."

"Mr. Castle, I'm afraid that it's beyond that point. It will happen swiftly. The assassin has already been paid in full."

"How? How do you know so damn much, are you one of them, pretending to be a good guy warning me? Is this a form of pain you like to dish out, telling me that a loved one is going to be killed, and making me wait for it to happen? What kind of sick bastard are you?" Rick is angry almost forgetting he has a gun stuck in his back,

"Well, since you are the curious one, it won't help you anyway, but the Assassin is my brother, and no we are on opposite sides of the law. I will tell you this, he is cunning, slick, and will stop at nothing to complete his mission. He enjoys the kill, far more than anyone should, he was always the sick bastard growing up killing neighbor's cats in the worst way possible.

"Why didn't you come to me earlier than today? Maybe I could have done something then but now I'm going to have to face this man on my own."

"Mr. Castle I would advise against that. I know him better than anyone on this earth, he's a trained killer, who enjoys his work immensely. He would have no problem killing me, or any of our family, what makes you think he would with you and his mark."

They walked across the whole park and now they have reached the West exit.

"Mr. Castle this is just a friendly warning. You can't stop what's already in play I just thought you'd like to know that she will be terminated. But sadly, now it is time for us to part ways." Rick feels a thump on the back of his head, sees stars for a moment, then regains his presence of mind, only to find no sign of the man who had had his gun so deeply stuck in his ribs, when he visually surveys his surroundings. He sat in the swings he found himself holding on to steady himself for a few moments, and to collect his thoughts.

Rick couldn't believe the audacity of this man as he walked away. Did he expect him to believe he and his partner's description of what was to happen next? He could be anybody, hell he could even be the man that was assigned to kill her. His mind traveled through a million thoughts a minute, but one thought kept returning, stronger and stronger with each passing. He was given a warning and he intended on keeping her alive, even if she would never love him as he did her, she deserved to have love with someone.

His mind began to formulate his plan, he would do a different kind of shadow. He'd watch her like a hawk and take out the threat before he could complete the mission. If this man was as dangerous as his "Brother" described, he might be wise to enlist help, but not the police. They would be like lambs led to slaughter if the facts were true.

He nixed heading to the precinct to warn her about what he just found out, even if she believed him, or didn't allow Demming to dismiss it as a method to garner her attention, it wouldn't help. It would only make her that more hyper-alert of her surroundings.

He'd watch her but within striking distance. His thoughts drifted back to his training with the CIA, it will finally come in handy, perhaps all the bruises, pulled muscles and days of getting his ass handed to him time and time again would be worth something now.

He recalled when he was researching his second Derek Storm book the CIA had asked him to take an abbreviated training course. Apparently, the wife of someone with pull or rank was a huge fan and suggested it after hearing him on a TV Talk Show saying it would be nice to have that opportunity.

He trained in hand to hand combat with seasoned operatives and they were impressed at how he could move. The one Agent who stood out was not a member of the CIA but on loan from the FBI. Jordan Shaw was as tough as she was beautiful, and made no secret she couldn't wait to get back to the real cops in her Agency.

He was pretty good at it but got even better when Jordan took him under her wing and tutored him with private lessons after the end of their days. She was happily married and made it clear she had two priorities in life, her daughter then her husband.

She had no interest in a world-known author, other than to help him through the class without getting himself killed by other agents who reveled in the opportunity.

His thoughts began to produce a viable plan, he would need Jordan's help, but after what he had done for her and her husband Tom, he was sure she would be all in.

He headed back to the loft, quickly retrieving the clothes he had carefully stored away from Alexis and his Mother's prying eyes. His gun case was also in the secret room, he changed into clothes from his training days and stuffed some change of clothes, that were more apt to blend in with the surrounding population as he grabbed his two weapons.

He was ready now, digging through cryptic notes he located Jordan's number for her cell phone and private line at the office. He tried her cell number and held his breath,

Four rings later, and a breathy Jordan Shaw finally said,

"This better be good Rick, first day off in two months with Tom, and the little one is gone, so what is so important, you stole my thunder for?"

"Jordan, I'm so sorry, I can call back or you can call me, please tell Tom, I'm so sorry,"

"For what, he got his groove off, I was almost there when the damn phone started ringing, 10 more seconds, I would have passed the zone." She lamented

"Again Jordan, I'm sorry but it is important."

"Did you and your Detective friend finally stop playing games and pretending you don't love each other; remember I profile people for a living and I know what I'm talking about."

"I know I'll regret saying this, I wish you were right, Jordan, but she has a cop boyfriend, I've left the station which is part of why I'm calling you."

"NO Rick, no way in hell can I have you shadow me, first it would require it act of congress for permission, but more importantly I love you more than anyone after my hubby and daughter, but I would have to shoot you within a few hours." She laughed,

"I know Jordan, and I love you the same, I'm not asking for a shadowing opportunity, I have a real problem. There's a fully paid contract out on Kate Beckett, and, eh, well, I have a plan to stop it. She's not going to die, even if she never knew I was around"

"Rick, how do you know this? Tell me everything, don't skip any details, no matter how small." Jordan suddenly was back in the hard-ass FBI Agent role.

For the next two hours, he told Jordan everything that happened, including the meeting this morning with the two gentlemen, and the one saying it was his brother. Jordan asked questions a few times, to get him back on track, but after he was done talking, she finally asked,

"So, Rick, what's the plan, and how do I help you, my brother, you know I will do anything I can, right?"

"Yeah, I know Jordy, I would never ask you to do anything that would risk Tom, or your daughter losing you, I know how much love the entire family has. I just need you as a backup, if I get into trouble, I want to be able to press the panic button on my phone, you know the one you activated when we worked on th"

"You mean the one you pressed to see what would happen and you had 4 full squads at your feet in minutes including Air, Tactical, Swat, and Hostage, yeah I remember."

"I'm sorry for that, and this time, it has to be on the DL, if Beckett gets wind of anything, I'm doing she'll run right at them and make their job so much easier, OK?"

"Wait, Beckett doesn't know you are risking your life for her, she has another Cop Boyfriend, and you're doing this why? Never mind Rick, just be careful, extremely careful. I'll be in New York, although I won't be staying in the luxury hotel you've picked, I can get to you in minutes, do you have the icon still on the phone?"

"Duh, does the moon shine at night? Of course, I have it on my phone."

"Hang on for one second" Rick hears some rustling, Jordan swearing "God Damn it is my password you Assholes," then finally her fussing at the computer, "that's what I typed the first time you jerk" then keystrokes, then he heard her once again chide the computer, Come on, Come on you piece of shit, Computer system, then he hears "Finally, took you long enough piece of crap system"

"Rick, you still there?"

"I'm here potty mouth" he kidded,

"Just press the panic button once, JUST ONCE, ready? Press it in 5-4-3-2-1 Press it now Rick"

Rick had located the Icon, and pressed exactly when he was told to do so,

"Great Rick, you're all set. The panic button now sends a 9-1-1- text with your GPS coordinates, email and calls my phone. I don't have to tell you what will happen to you if you call me out needlessly do I?"

"Jordan, I promise you, no funny stuff, I'm just trying to keep her alive, I won't put you in danger if I can help it, so Thanks, you, Tom and your little one are more like family than any other I have known."

"Rick, take care of yourself, PLEASE, we do love you as well, don't be afraid to call me if you need me,"

"Thanks, Jordy, maybe you can resume what you were doing, I'm so sorry,"

"No problem Rick, it's being taken care of another way, stay safe, Goodnight"

Rick thought about what Jordan had said, his surveillance needed to be two-pronged, both watching out for the threat as well as keeping her safe. He had an older Ford Focus that he would follow her in when she left the precinct at her shift's end. It should blend in perfectly. Returning to his parking spot, he made a pass to ensure her car was still parked in the garage. Now the waiting game begins, parked across the street from the garage and he observes everything around the precinct. Sitting there waiting causes his mind to wonder, what could she have come across that would put her in this type of danger? It hit him like a bolt of lightning, only her mother's murder would make someone nervous enough to have paid a contract in full and from what he knows about wet work they won't stop until she's dead.

Rick lowered his head and said quietly to himself, Kate, Kate, Kate, is it worth it? Would she want this, your life, perhaps others, to avenge her, seeking justice for her murder was her front, but she wanted blood, the blood of her Mom's killer. Well, something was about to go down, he only hoped he could keep her alive, that was all he hoped for now, his quest for her loving him died with the conversation in the park this morning. Still, he had to try….


	3. Chapter 3

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, We don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 3**

**Later that Night**

She's dedicated he'll give her that, he just didn't think that she'd still be here this late. Knowing that sitting upright in the car seat would get him noticed faster, he decided to recline the seat almost to a lying position. He had a cheap pair of binoculars that he had when he was a kid and used them from his vantage point to spot her. He checked his watch and noticed that it was almost nine pm. So, he waited.

An hour later just as he was about to go out and relieve himself, the front door of the precinct opened up. Kate walked through the door and not surprisingly Demming following right behind her. They stopped, looked at each other, he said something that made her smile. Farewells were exchanged and they headed off in opposite directions. Rick made sure she was going to the garage and not to the subway stop up the block. She turned down the ramp that led to the precinct's underground garage. He started the Focus and waited for her to exit the garage.

He stayed behind her about four car lengths just so she wouldn't see him. He doubted that she knew he was behind her, as far as she knew everything was normal in her and Demming's world. She drove directly to her apartment and was lucky enough to find a spot close to her building. He had to circle the block 3 times in order to find a parking spot close to her building.

Even with all of his maneuvering, it was a 2-minute walk to get back to his vantage point. He stayed in the shadows, waited and watched her floor until the lights came on in her apartment. Less than a minute later he saw her kitchen light come on. He knew that she was safe, at least right now, for this part of the night.

He knew that the threat to her life was not something to be taken lightly. Yesterday after they solved the case, he told her this was his last case. At first, she looked relieved. As he walked towards the elevator, he could see her thinking about what he just said and it hit home. She dropped into her chair like a lead weight. He would let her explain to Ryan and Esposito as to why he was no longer on their team.

The skills he picked up when he was with the CIA allowed him to enter her apartment and place cameras where she would never think of looking. He wanted to make sure that he could have eyes on her at any given moment. The only place he didn't put cameras was in her bedroom and the bathroom. What he had was an unrestricted view of her common areas. He was able to get in, place the cameras, and get out of her place in under 5 minutes without being seen.

His cover story to his Mother and Alexis was that he needed an undetermined amount of time in the Hamptons to put the final touches on his latest Nikki Heat novel. In reality, He had taken up residence in a lower Manhattan hotel. He would sleep during the day when he knew she was safe at the precinct with Ryan and Espo to have her back.

It had been 3 days and nothing had happened in the way of a threat. Rick was sitting in the Focus and had eyes on her apartment around one in the morning. Then suddenly the apartment building where his car was parked became a beehive of activity. He was out of the car in a flash. People were filing out of the front door and he didn't know why. It was later when he came back to the car, he found out.

From the back seat, he heard a voice, almost sickening but the words chilled him to the bone,

"Don't move a muscle. I have a K-bar in my right hand and I have a Sig in my left both are positioned at your head and back. Either way, you're not leaving this car without the aid of an ambulance.

"So your brother wasn't lying when he said you were cunning and would go the extra mile to pull off the job, I guess I underestimated you, and since we both know you are going to kill me anyway, I might as well know who gets that honor." Rick's bravado struck the man with the gun and knife,

"You talked to my brother? Bet he had tons of nice things to say about me, really though, when did you talk?"

"About a week ago, it's funny he had a gun in my back the whole time as well, what is that, a family tradition?" Rick was calling on his acting chops from Martha to deliver a performance of his life

"What I can't understand Mr. Castle, is why you would have such an obsession with keeping detective Beckett alive. She's going to die without knowing that you tried to save her. But now I'm going to have to reorganize the way I go about killing her."

"Well like I said, we all do stupid things, eh Mr., you still haven't told me your name, I'm not sure if you are afraid of this dead man walking" once again Rick prayed, he hadn't pushed the psycho too far,

"Oh, what the hell, you're different, no pleading for your life, you've already accepted your fate so I guess you do deserve to know who's going to send you to your final reward. Name is Coonan, Dick Coonan and my brother's name is Jackie, he's older just in case he forgot to tell you that tidbit."

"We really didn't socialize all that much, it's hard to be creative when you have the barrel of a gun in your ribs" Rick quipped,

"Oh Jackie, how predictable, probably his Sig Sauer P320, he seldom deviates, why he bothers to carry the damn thing is still a mystery to me, I don't think he's killed anyone in at least a year. It's a waste of a great tool, if he's not going to use it, he should let me have it, we all know I have plenty of use for it."

"Business is that good eh? Glad to see some of the tax stimuli is working for some industries," Rick knows the longer he can keep Coonan talking the longer he stayed alive, and he's constantly watching for the one opening that would give him any sliver of an opportunity to stay alive.

"You know, we do all right, it all depends on your specialty, I guess. I'm one of the few they trust with the high-profile cases" Coonan brags,

"Really, well I can see why, I mean you were like the Invisible Man the way you took over, I never heard, or saw so much as a leaf blow" Rick is blowing smoke up his ass now, hoping he will eat it up, if his profiling studies were correct, he would gobble it up hook, line, and sinker.

"Yeah, you liked that uh, not many guys can do that, I'm one of 3 maybe 4 tops, but Mr. B likes to keep it neat and tidy no loose ends to clean up, and he knows I do it cleanly, nothing left behind. Coonan smiles an evil smile

"Well since we both know I have minutes to live, why don't you let me cure the writer's itch, give me the entire story, I only know it started out with Beckett's mother, but no clue who killed her or how this Mr. B ties into the whole thing.

I know I'll never get the chance to write the story, but at least I can do it in my head, you know as you're finishing me off. That can't be a threat to the Top Gun like yourself, I could see if you were some amateur why you would be reluctant, but Hell, we both know you're the Pro." Once again, Rick is praying he hadn't pushed too hard,

"I don't know about that, but I guess if it were me, I would want to know, why the fuck was I getting myself killed for some broad who never gave me a second look, you know you're pitiful the way you follow her around like a puppy dog, don't you? I mean even now dying for her, and she couldn't give a shit about you, pathetic dude."

"All the more reason, let me die with some dignity, if I knew the entire story, well at least I wouldn't feel like such a loser when it came to her, you know what I mean. Every guy needs to feel like he knocked one out of the park with the chicks, at least just once. Maybe you could give me my last chance at it before, well before it's time."

Coonan looked at him, cocked his gun, pulled the trigger, then laughed, "I took a bullet out, just wanted to see how brave you would be when the time comes.

"What the hell, it's not like you're going to tell anyone, but Rick, if you tell anyone a word of this, I'll return and kill your ass again, even when you are already dead, you got that?"

"Yeah, I got it, but I'm pretty sure once will be enough, thanks for the warning though."

Coonan then told the entire story, how Bracken, caught on to three dirty cops, took the ransom money to finance his campaign, framed a con named Joe Pulgatti, and then killed the only attorney willing to speak with him, which was Johanna Beckett, it wasn't personal, just business.

He smiled as he described in detail how he thrust the knife into Johanna's body, the kill shot, as he called it, then to cover it up as his signature stab wound, he stabbed her four more times, the Medical Examiners never got the COD right, it was always multiple stab wounds or gang violence,

"Was she the only one or were there more?" Rick asked, then added when he saw the hesitation on Coonan's face "oh come on, who the hell am I going to tell where I'm headed."

"There was a total of 4, and the stupid ME's got every single one of them wrong like I said, Mr. Bracken likes to keep it neat, and that was a huge test for me."

"What about you Rick, where's your cop when you need her, hell she's probably fucking the robbery detective as we speak," Coonan's attitude was shifting, and Rick knew it wouldn't be long so he pressed the panic button on his phone out of Coonan's sight, hoping Jordan would be close enough,

"I'm sure that once she can't contact me, she'll know somethings up." Rick bluffed,

"Are you sure about that Ricky? Have you noticed how friendly she and her new boy toy have become? I don't think that she'd give you a second thought, especially now she's fucking the badge bunny magnet, too bad for you, really it is."

The next thing Rick felt was a sharp pain in his back. Then relief, another sharp pain on the other side of his back. Then the sound of the rear door opening. The last thing he heard was Coonan saying,

"Ricky, I don't think that you'll be with us much longer. I just severed the artery to your kidneys. You have about five minutes before you bleed out. Remember you brought this upon yourself."

As he hit the pavement everything went black and he was out.

Jordan had heard his panic call, and the SWAT Team and three other squads made short work of Coonan, he foolishly tried to elude them, but died the way he lived, gunshots to the head, torso, and body. At least 21-gun shots had found their mark.

Rick was life-flighted to Metro hospital, and within three minutes was receiving the lifesaving blood as doctors onboard the chopper prepared him for a massive surgery. It was very fortunate he had the most common blood type, and they had the supply to keep him from bleeding out until they could get him to surgery.

Jordan was with him, searching his phone for his family's phone numbers when she saw ICE, and then almost threw up when she saw his In Case of Emergency (ICE) contact was Katherine Beckett, with both landlines, and cell phone number listed. Right now, she hated the Detective, but she had to follow her friend's wishes.

Steadying her hand, she dialed the cell phone, secretly wishing there would be no answer so she could move on to his mother and daughter's contact information. Finally, she heard the standard greeting of Kate's voice mail, happy that she didn't have to be the one to tell her, she hung up without leaving a message but marked the contact information down for the nurses in the hospital. She moved on to try to locate Martha and Alexis' contact information.

"Martha, this is Jordan Shaw, Rick's been hurt badly and I think it would be best if you got your grand-daughter and meet me here, I'm at Metro Hospital, so please let me know when you get this message, thanks, My number is the one I left the voice mail from, I won't leave him so let me know when you can please, and from one Mother to another, it's not good, bye," as her tears fell,


	4. Chapter 4

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, We don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chapter 4**

Kate was brought out of her thoughts by the ringing of her phone, she'd just got comfortable. Now she was hoping that it wasn't a body or Lanie. She just wanted; no make that needed to be alone because she had a hell of a lot to think about. These feelings were scaring her more than anything she could think about, she was finally doing it, putting her heart out there and if Castle broke it there would be no coming back from such pain.

She answered with the usual Beckett there was a pause she repeated her name and hello a voice she didn't recognize said: "is this Katherine Beckett". Kate felt a chill come over her no one called her Katherine, cautiously she responded this is she. The voice on the other end spoke and what she heard next sent her world spinning out of control.

All she remembered hearing were words, nurse, hospital, and emergency contact for Richard Castle. She was still talking with the nurse as she grabbed her shoes, jacket, and keys and headed for the door. She started for the exit then returned to her door to lock it and ran for the stairs she didn't want to wait for the elevator she had to get to Metro Hospital.

The only thing the nurse had said was that he had been critically injured, and she should come as quickly as possible, the situation was critical. Her only thought was that she can't lose him not now. She arrived at the hospital but couldn't for her life tell you how everything was and still was a big blur. Rick, he couldn't be this bad, he just couldn't.

She threw her Police ID in the windshield and parked at the first reserved for emergency vehicles she found. Hell, for the first time in her life, she actually used the lights and sirens and she couldn't care less about rules and regulations. Entering the hospital, she ran right up to the nurse's station and asked about Richard Castle.

"I'm Detective Kate Beckett, someone from here called me about my partner, Richard Castle, I'm his ICE contact. Where is he and what is going on?" Kate is showing the panic that she has felt since the call.

Once again, the nurse asked her relation to him, then looked up to see a gold shield stuck in her face.

"I already told you, I'm his ICE contact, now get your fucking nose out of the paperwork and take me to my partner"

The nurse rose, intimidated by both the bravado and the shield, and started to lead Kate down the hall. Suddenly Jordan Shaw appeared, she had been coming around the corner, when they saw each other.

Why was Jordan Shaw here she thought to herself, as the two women were now in reaching distance of each other?

Jordon started the conversation very timidly,

"I bet you're wondering what the hell I am doing here with Rick, me being a married woman, and a mom, but I can assure you it's not what you would think." As Jordan looked at Kate, she looked her in the eyes she knew that what she had profiled before was true. Kate Beckett loved Richard Castle it was there for all to see if only these two jackasses would look.

"Yeah, some thoughts did cross my mind Jordan, hell you were all he talked about for months after our case. Not that I have any claim to him, I mean I'm seeing someone now, and he's well the last I knew he was with his ex-wife Gina."

Jordan waited while the nurse told Kate about Rick

"Ms. Beckett, I'm nurse DiFranco, I was the one who called you. Would you like to know the status of your partner?"

"Yes Please, and please don't sugar coat this, I need to know the truth, even if it's tough."

"Very well Detective, Mr. Castle has wounds to both arteries leading to his kidneys. He has lost a great deal of blood and is still in surgery, probably another two to three hours. As long as we don't hear anything, please assume it is good news.

He would have died had he not had backup from Agent Shaw's team that close. He was within a minute of bleeding out before the chopper doctors got the blood reflowing. This is going to be a while Detective, I suggest you pray and stay close to the desk, injuries of this type can go either way." She said as gently as she could and slowly backed away from a crying Kate Beckett.

Kate got out a muffled, "Thank You," before her entire body was overcome with grief, guilt, and shame. Her partner was fighting for his life while she had played high school games with a pretty boy, trying to make him jealous. Worse yet, she treated and allowed others to treat him so badly, she hung her head in shame and cried. God give me another chance and I will never let him doubt how much I love him, please? She prayed silently

For a moment she forgot that Jordan was standing there until she felt a gentle embrace from her.

"Kate's, he's tough. You know that. Just keep thinking positively," Jordan said through tear-stained eyes. She knew the question of why she was there, why had she been Rick's backup, and backup for what were questions that were driving Kate crazy.

As much as it bothered her, she knew Rick had sworn her to secrecy, going as far as to provide a fake cover at the Hamptons for himself. Rick was her brother, a brother that had given her and Tom's child back by writing a check for treatments that saved her daughter Brianna's life. She would never betray him, or his wishes.

Kate was struggling to find her voice, so Jordan took the lead,

"Look, I tried to call you, I got your voicemail, so I had to call Martha, and thank God she answered. She's flying in, Captain Montgomery has LT standing by to pick her up, then they will get Alexis and come here. Rick would kick my ass if he knew I told you the story, but Kate, I told you once, he loves you, maybe you don't see it, maybe you don't want to see it, but he does. If my profiling skills are anywhere near correct, I would say you love him too, you're just too afraid to act on it.

"Not anymore Jordan, you're right, he does love me, and damn it I love him with all of my heart, but just like my Mom, every time I open up to the possibility love, someone gets hurt, it's my curse." Kate's tears flow as Jordan tries to console her. The nurse had a private room, they finally showed the ladies to, where they could talk.

Once inside the room, Jordan couldn't hold back information from Kate any longer,

"Kate, I'm sure you're wondering what the hell I am doing here, how my team backed up Rick, how I could get him on a medic chopper in time to save his life, well, I'll give you the details that will answer your basic questions. Any deeper information or reasons will have to come from Rick, so please don't press."

Jordan looked into Kate's eyes until she heard,

"OK Jordan, tell me what you can, and please don't clean it up, I know I fucked up a lot and some of, if not all of this is on me."

"Kate, you and Rick can sort out the blame game later, remember I have a husband I love with all of my heart and a daughter who wouldn't be alive today without Richard Castle and his big heart.

Brianna was born with a rare birth defect, the surgery and treatment were far more than Tom and I could gather, then we got the call that an anonymous donor had paid the bill. The only one who knew the cost was Rick.

You probably think or thought I love Rick, and you'd be right, except not that type of love. He's my brother, he and my husband Tom go golfing together and Brianna loves her Uncle Rick and Auntie Lexi to death. So yes, I love the man and if you or anyone else ever hurt him again, I'll, well just don't find out" as Kate witnessed the passion flow from Jordan, and her eyes had that glow about her, one you knew not to mess with.

"Are we clear on that Kate?"

"Yes Jordan, we're very clear. I think I have hurt that man so much it would be impossible for him to forgive me, but I want to try" She breathed.

"Well first things first, let's get him out of surgery and on the road to recovery, then we worry about his ability to forgive you. Rick and I talked three days ago, right after the left the precinct for the last time. He was very detailed about what was going on, even when I called him a liar about Kate Beckett never would display affection in public, but I was wrong, wasn't I. You made it very clear to Rick, and you rubbed Demming in his face every chance you got, didn't you?"

"Yes Jordan, I got this idea in my head that I was just a cop and he was, well if you tell him this, I will deny I ever said it, a very handsome world-famous author, what did I have to give him? I was afraid that I wasn't good enough for him we didn't fit on paper, but when he left the other day as I watched him get on the elevator something just didn't feel right and I knew Tom was not what or who I wanted and I had to let him know and see if we could beat the odds, and make it work." Kate's tears fell gently as she lowered her head,

"Did you ever question how Rick and I met, or did you think your case was the only time we had worked together?"

"As far as I knew he was just a writer, more of a nerd for computer games than the outdoor or sportsman stuff" Kate replied,

"Did you ever ask him what his hobbies were Kate?"

"No, I just assumed."

"I bet you assumed both of his divorces were his fault as well or did you ask him about he was hurt, degraded, and emasculated, did you have a discussion about those?"

"Well, eh, I"

"Skip it, Kate, he's used to people thinking it was him, it was the wives both times, it's public record, you could have looked it up, but why bother, Hell, you knew it was his fault." Jordan's anger is rising again.

"I'm sorry Jordan, you're right, I should have just asked him, not assumed. So how did you and Rick first meet?"

"I was on loan to the CIA, when I got orders I had a VIP student, and to do all I could to ensure he passed the test. Turned out it was Rick, and he was a lot better than most real recruits, we hit it off, he met my family, and I tutored him in some of the aspects of the job he is so damn good in. Quantico wanted to hire him, so did the CIA, but he said no, he only did it for the research for his books.

Earlier this week he told me he was going to go deep undercover to catch someone who was trying to kill you. This man was a paid assassin had already been paid in full for the job. He joked I could be his backup since his family thought he would be in the Hamptons writing the conclusion to the Heat series."

Kate started to interrupt but Jordan ignored her and kept speaking,

"I kidded back with him and I reprogrammed the panic button on his phone from our earlier days, God I never knew it would be for real, but when it went off at 1:45 PM, 4 squads plus medevac units went to his GPS location, that's how we found him, that's why he's still alive, so far. " She breathed out.

"I called Captain Montgomery to dispatch CSU to an active crime scene and to keep you and your people out of it, the scene needs impartial results, not some know it all brash detective like Esposito or you fucking up the entire crime scene."

"Needless to say, he wasn't happy when I had to answer his question of why I didn't call you. I told him I did but my call went directly to voice mail, I didn't leave one because of the sensitivity of the data, he exploded. Apparently, you were on call this evening, and not with detective Demming, so enjoy your next discussion with him, you've been warned." Jordan completed what she had to say, and moved away to her corner of the waiting room, leaving Kate to wonder just how much worse this could get.

**12th Precinct**

Roy Montgomery was beyond angry his friend was fighting for his life, his lead detective who was on call and had let her phone go to voice mail, and she was his ICE. He'd been up since he got the call from agent Shaw and then he called Bob Weldon to inform him of the situation with Rick. The call went about like he expected, not good, and if someone had failed to protect him, this time it would be their job.

For now, he had LT waiting to pick up Martha and Alexis and take them to the hospital when they arrived. He also ordered Ryan and Esposito to the hospital and asked if they could convince Dr. Parrish to come as well. No matter what she said, Roy knew Kate cared about Rick, she was at the hospital now with Jordan, based on agent Shaw's tone, Kate was going to need a friend. He would be heading there as soon as he heard from CSU. He thought to himself Kate would never recover if Rick didn't make it. Castle's a fighter and he is in the battle of his life.

**Metro Hospital**

It had been almost 6 hours since Rick's surgery began. No one came out and told them anything. Kate and Jordan both tried to get any information about his condition, but there was nothing new. This was hell, hell for everyone who were forced to wait, forced to depend on some stranger to save the life of a loved one or friend, it was plain hell.

At least the chairs were comfortable and decent coffee, they finally heard from Martha. She had returned Jordan's call she and Alexis were on their way it would be a couple of hours until they would arrive. Suddenly the door opened and both Jordan and Kate stood up, holding their breath, hearts in their throats, but it was Ryan, Javier, and Lanie.

Now they were all waiting to hear about their friend it was going to be a long wait. Longer for those with guilty consciences it seemed, since Lannie and Javi were the first to the chapel, followed by Kevin and Jenny, and finally Kate went alone, she had perhaps the most to seek forgiveness for, both from Rick and above.


	5. Chapter 5

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 5**

**Metro Hospital**

**Two Hours Later,**

Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity for everyone in the waiting room, a very exhausted doctor came through the door.

"Family of Richard Castle?" He said quietly

"We're all family doctor, his mother and daughter are en route, but Detective Beckett is his ICE and has his medical power of attorney, so please speak freely," Jordan said as softly and sweetly as she could,

"I'm Doctor Gerry Simms, you were the one that came into the ER with him and the Medivac Doctors, weren't you?" he looked directly at Jordan, his voice stronger now.

"Yes, my team was his backup, I'm just sorry it took us so long to get to him" Jordan's eyes were full of unshed tears,

"Well, if you hadn't gotten to him when you did, and had the forethought to have a medical emergency team standing by, he wouldn't be here at all. I won't get into specifics that violate HIPPA, but I will talk to detective Beckett, or his mother, whichever I can at this time."

Kate rose and replied, "I'm detective Kate Beckett. Rick is my partner, and I have his ICE, his mother and daughter are still in route from out of state."

"Very well detective, follow me, please." He led her to a small office marked private off the larger waiting room. Everyone was watching Kate, her eyes, her expressions, trying to gauge what the hell was going on through the window of the office."

The doctor closed the door and began to speak, "I never lie or mislead my patients' families, detective, you were minutes away from burying your partner when he first arrived. He coded three times during the surgery, each time we got him back, and I _think_ he didn't suffer any brain damage, but it's too soon to tell yet.

His attacker knew exactly what he was doing, he severed the arteries to both kidneys with one stroke each, showing a prowess only gained from time in Special Forces or a hired mercenary, he knew exactly what he was doing.

Since you are a police detective, and your captain has already called CSU, and is processing the scene, and the attacker was killed when he tried to escape, I will release the full information to you.

This was not a random act, Mr. Castle was targeted by an assassin, a very good one, and without his thorough planning to have a backup so close his injuries would have been fatal."

"When can I see him, Doctor Simms, I just have to know he is really still here, please?

"He's in recovery room now and will be for at least the next hour, once he is set up in ICU. I will allow two visitors for 5 minutes only, and detective, if his mother and daughter get here before then, you won't be able to see him until he is strong enough, perhaps two or three days."

**Metro Hospital**

**45 Minutes Later**

Kate had relayed the information from Doctor Simms, everyone was thankful he was in recovery, but the shadow of the doctor's words hung over the crowd, "_**he has a long way to go to regain the life as he knew it, if ever"**_.

Kate almost choked on emotion every time she thought about it, she was lost in her thoughts when the door burst open with two redheads, trying to get some information about their dad, and son respectively.

"Aunt Jordy, what happened, where is my dad, how badly is he hurt?" Alexis half cried half spoke, as Martha continued to fight her tears standing behind her granddaughter.

Jordan took the young girl aside, along with Martha to the private room, and explained how Rick was not in the Hamptons but was trying to thwart an assassination of Detective Beckett. She explained how he had called her and she was backing him up as he shadowed Kate during the trips to and from the precinct, without her knowledge, and kept vigil over her while she slept at night.

It was the third night that the assassin caught wind of Rick's attempts and tried to kill him. Once he stabbed Rick, he threw him from the moving car, and the Medevac team had him in the chopper an on his way to Metro. The killer, or the one hired to kill Beckett, and tried to kill Rick, was Dick Coonan, a mercenary who was killed when he attempted to elude capture.

Alexis broke down in tears, crying harder than Jordan had ever seen the young woman do before. She held her as Martha tried to regain her own composure,

"Why, why would he do something so stupid for a bitch that hasn't given him a second thought? Why?" She spat, anger and tears in equal portions.

"Alexis, language! Your father may not be awake, but he would never approve of you using that voice. Apologize now to your Aunt Jordan." Martha said with a sternness that surprised them all.

"I'm sorry Auntie, it's just he's gone so far out of his way to show her he loves her, and all she does is hurt him, I don't understand how he can keep doing that,"

"He loves her Alexis, no matter how hard or how many times he's tried to walk away, he can't. Like it or not, she's his soul mate. And before you get upset, Kate loves your Dad as well, she's just done some pretty stupid things to hide it."

"Your dad needs us all now sweetie, now is not the time to get into a fight with her. Your dad will heal faster if all those he loves get along, at least on the outside, OK?"

Jordan looked up and there was Dr. Simms motioning for Martha and Alexis to follow him.

"I can only let you see him for five minutes, but please don't be alarmed by the machines and tubes, they are keeping him alive. He's going to need a lot of time to fully recover, so just be patient, he'll be here for at least two more weeks." Dr. Simms said as gently as he could.

Kate stood there with her heart breaking. Knowing it would be at least 2 or 3 days before she could see her partner again if Alexis would even allow it. She's never seen the look of pure hatred from the young lady as she did when she passed by her, even Martha didn't acknowledge her, what the hell did she expect? A ticker-tape parade, she was why Rick was here, to begin with, but HOW, how did he find out and why would he risk his life for hers?

Who was she kidding, she knew why just not the HOW.

**Mercy Hospital**

**Two Days Later**

Alexis and Jordan had been joined by Gina in their vigils at the hospital. Gina had been out of the country when she heard the news on Entertainment Tonight, she traveled 34 hours straight to get to Rick and Alexis side. Kate had sent a group text to the three ladies, two texts each day asking when she would be allowed to see Rick, with only one reply from Jordan, "We'll let you know, he's not up to visitors now."

As soon as Rick had become coherent enough to realize what happened, he asked for, and this floored Alexis, not Kate, but Jordan Shaw. Jordan entered the room, Rick looked awful, tubes and machines everywhere, the dialysis machine continuing to take some work away from his kidneys allowing him to heal.

She had promised herself she wouldn't cry, but she couldn't help it, tears fell silently from her eyes as she crossed the room to take his hand in hers. Fighting the words out she said,

"Hey, heard you asked for me, and as cute as you are, I'm still happily married stud!"

His eyes smiled, even if he couldn't, but he motioned for her to come closer, and also Alexis to give them a minute. As soon as Alexis left, he leaned into Jordan,

"Where's my phone Jordy?"

"It's right here Rick, but..."

"Open the last file on the desktop marked Heat's Revenge, he told her, be sure you use ear pods, this cannot be heard by ANYONE else, especially anyone from the NYPD."

Jordan obeyed, and as she listened, she realized that Rick had baited Coonan into a full confession, complete with the man in charge, and now they knew there were dirty cops at the 12th trying to keep it covered up. This now became a Federal case, and the FBI would take charge without the NYPD even knowing what went on.

"You big stupid lug, you love her that much, you were ready to die to find her mom's killer for her?" Jordan's tears fell now,

"What about Alexis, what about your mother, or Gina who's been here every day just in case you didn't know it. Why Rick? Why would you do this for her after the way she has treated you?"

"The heart wants what the heart wants." Was all he said as he sadly looked away.

"Rick, you know I have to go all-in on this case regardless of who's involved, right?" Almost trying to apologize if one of his friends was caught up in the sting.

"Wouldn't have it any other way Jordy, we're good, OK?"

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "We're good Rick, so much more than good. You want me to get Kate to come back for a few minutes? She's been here every day just waiting till you would see her"

"No, I want to see Gina please, and Jordy, thanks for loving me as your family." The twinkle was back in his eye for the first time.

Jordan went to the waiting room, still full of those wishing to see him even after two full days of waiting, Kate stood almost certain that she would finally get the opportunity to tell Rick just how truly sorry she was. Her heart fell to the floor when Jordan said,

"Gina, Rick wants to see you, he's pretty angry you traveled so far without stopping for rest, so be prepared."

Gina stood, grabbed a fresh tissue and dabbed her eyes, "Just like him trying to deflect attention away from himself," as she almost ran to his room,

"I've heard a lot of excuses for missing deadlines but Rick, I'm not that big of a bitch, you had to go this far" she tried for humor but wound up sobbing in front of him. She sat down and he pulled her head onto a safe spot on his chest, gently stroking her hair. "Hey, no need for that. I'm still alive. Which believe me I'm eternally grateful for. Genes, you have to take better care of yourself, if something had happened to me, Alexis would need you more than ever. I think you know how much she loves you, you're the only mom she has ever known, so no more 30 hours plus flights OK?"

"I'm sorry Rick, I was watching TV, it came on just as a blurb, so I called the office and they had to wait twenty minutes to confirm it, finally Jordan called me, and I was on my way."

I didn't want the last thing I said to you before I left be the last thing ever, tears fall from her eyes again, I do love you even if we will never be husband and wife."

"Hey, I know you love me." He kissed the top of her head, as she gently held his hand, "I love you as well, I can't put it into words, but Genes, you are a wonderful woman, deserving a man who gives you his all, I couldn't do that, and I'm sorry. I love you, but I guess I'm not in love with you." He said sadly still gently stroking her hair.

"I know you're in love with Kate, and please let me finish this, I'll never have the guts to say it again. Try to work things out with her, I mean give her every chance you gave me, and others, BUT understand, if after your best effort, things don't change for you and her, I will take you in no questions asked. I can live with being number two in your life, as long as you're happy."

"One problem with that Genes, she's got a boyfriend, so I don't have to worry about trying to work it out with her, forgiving her for the things she's done, perhaps but I don't think she would ever allow there to be anything more for us."

"Rick, there's no boyfriend, she's been here as long as security would let her, she even flashed her badge and Captain Montgomery made her go home, so give her a chance to at least talk, OK? God knows you forgave number one for a hell of a lot worse, and probably me, number two as well."

"OK, but not now, I want to rest for a few hours, it's been a long day, I promise you I will talk to her, if she's still here when I wake up, these pain killers make me so slee..." and he was fast asleep on his pillow. Gina positioned his head gently, kissed him sweetly, and left.

Kate once again stood in hopes she would get an opportunity for at least 5 minutes with him, but Gina shook her head no,

"He fell asleep mid-sentence so no more visitors till this afternoon," She said with some bite to it.

Kate looked at the floor, then made her way over to Gina,

"Is he ever going to give me at least 5 minutes Gina? God, I know he hates me, he has every right, but I just need to tell him something."

"Kate, I lobbied for you, but whatever you did, you hurt him far worse than Meredith and I both combined. He said he would see you, he promised me that, if you were still here when he woke up.

"Kate, I don't know what you did, or what you said, but I'll tell you this, cop or no cop you ever hurt him like that again and they will be burying one of us. Understand? I love him, the only problem is that he's in love with you, God only knows why, but he is."

"You have one shot, one chance to keep that alive, and I would suggest you check everything coming out of your mouth, one more lie, you can bury your hopes of a relationship with him with the gangster he saved your ass from."

Kate silently turned, found her spot and began to write in her journal, every time she had been cruel to Rick, and every time he had done something just to make her happy.

Sadly, the journal had her in the lead with cruel comments and actions, but his generosity and ability to give was even more magnified when she listed it down.

Now if he would wake up, and really see her, she could only do what he had done all this time, wait, but this time she was waiting on him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 6**

**Metro Hospital **

**Five Hours Later...**

Rick had fallen into a deep and restful sleep, his body had been working overtime, trying to put on a good front for his family, but all the while in terrific pain and a state of exhaustion. The nurse had brought his meal tray but opted to let him sleep, he had been restless the last two nights, almost as if nightmares were overtaking his evening sleep pattern.

He awoke to someone holding his hand, marking small circles ever so gently on the back of his hand, and someone else had their head pressed to his, trying not to cry. He recognized the touch of the hand as Gina, they often had done that for hours when they first met, it was just a quiet way of them saying I love you. He opened his eyes to see her chewing on her nails, as she stared out his window, a tear-stained face that had wreaked havoc on her normally perfect makeup.

He knew from the breathing pattern, it was his little girl with her head pressed to his, as she fought to keep from crying. He slowly turned his head till they were pressing foreheads,

"Pumpkin, I'm OK, I'll be fine, so please baby stop worrying, OK?"

"I'm sorry daddy, it's just we found out that you were just minutes if not seconds from not making it, I guess my mind went to a world where mom and I would have to do everything alone. It scared the hell out of me, I know mom would give her life for me, but you know it's been us, for so long."

"You're right sweetie, it has been just us for so long, that was unfair to Gina, she loved you the day she met you and I kept her from you, I'm sorry pumpkin." Turning his head looking into Gina's beautiful eyes pooled with tears, "I messed up Genes, I'm sorry."

Gina laid her head next to Alexis on his chest, and gently said, "Nothing to be sorry about Rick, I have a wonderful daughter, and when we were together, it was the best time of my life, well mostly" she smiled.

"Remember Rick, you promised to see Kate, she's been curled up in a chair out there just waiting to see you, so should we send her in?"

"Give me 5 minutes with my girls, please?" as he kissed the tops of each of their heads, and hugged them the best he could with one arm.

The five minutes went by in silence, all three realizing just how close they had come to never having another moment like this, till Gina pushed back gently, kissed him sweetly, and put her arm around Alexis.

"Come on sweetie, we have to let Kate know it's time, and please, I know it's hard for you, hell, it's killing me, but we have to be nice to her for your dad's sake, OK?"

"You're a lot like him you know mom" she hugged Gina tightly, "he would never want me to be cruel to anyone no matter what they had done, so I'm ready, but you talk please, I'm not sure I can completely control myself yet."

After a few more kisses, it was a tie who hated to leave him the most, "his girls" finally made it out to the waiting room. Alexis found her chair, and Gina walked over to a very hopeful detective Beckett to advise her, it was finally her turn, but not for too long, he was still very weak."

"Kate, he said to send you in now, BUT he has turned the facts of the case over to Jordan Shaw, and he isn't free to talk about anything but what happened," Gina said as kindly as she could.

"Thanks, Gina, are you sure? I mean if he's too tired, I can wait till he is more rested, I do*

"Kate, he's expecting you now, so I wouldn't waste another minute if I were you." Gina had barely gotten the words out of her mouth before Kate was walking towards the room.

She paused to look at him through the glass, she gasped, all the wires, machines and tubes, God, it was a miracle he was still here with them. Pushing herself she opened the door, to find those same two blue eyes lock on her, this time they weren't full of hope, but sadness.

"Hi Rick, how are you feeling, can I get you anything?" she asked nervously,

"Hi, detective, no I'm fine, well as fine as I'm going to be for a few weeks or more." He smiled but it wasn't her smile, it was the one he used for the press, and it wasn't lost on her that he addressed her with her title, not her name.

"You have to believe me, Rick, I'm so sorry for everything that happened, I broke up with Tom right after you left, and I saw the hurt on your face, I guess I wasn't quick enough to catch you before you got out of the precinct."

"Yeah, I guess a month of abuse and put-downs from you, your boy toy and the Special Forces macho partner had finally found their mark. No sense of staying where I wasn't welcome or appreciated so I left. Like I told you, you and Demming, the real cops could solve the case, which you did."

"Rick, please, I know you were treated badly, and I'm here to say I'm sorry and ask you for your forgiveness. I can't undo the hurtful things that Tom and Espo said, I should have stopped them right then, but I was weak."

"You weren't weak Detective, you got in your share of shots, then set up your boyfriend, and mighty mouth to follow up on, you knew exactly what you were doing and saying."

"You know you stayed in my home when you had none, I would never have allowed anyone to talk to you the way not only you did, but also encouraged the other two to follow suit."

"I've worked with you for a few years, hell I never saw you treat the biggest slimeball criminals the way you treated me, and I couldn't figure out why. After a time, it didn't matter, it was just proof that I would never be good enough for the great detective Kate Beckett, so I decided to end the series of books and move on."

Kate was sitting with her head down, but it jerked up when he mentioned ending Nikki Heat.

"You're really ending the series, Rick, I mean I gave you so much grief, but being honest I was proud to be your inspiration, and when I read the stories, I found the little gems you left just for me, I'm so ashamed please forgive me."

"Nothing to forgive Detective, I have to re-write the last few chapters but Gina is graciously letting me out of my contract without a fight. Almost dying does have some advantages, I guess"

"Rick, please don't say that I don't know what I would do if something happened to you?"

"Oh really, is that why the Captain has not one, but three requests from you to terminate me from shadowing not only you but anyone at the 12th precinct detective?

"Rick, those were written in fits of frustration and anger, but I really didn't mean them, I swear"

"Well they were on official forms, so pardon me while I call bullshit on yet another one of your lies."

Kate is in tears now, and Rick's blood pressure is spiking to the point where Chrissy his private nurse ran in to check on him.

"I'm fine Chrissy, just lost my temper and the blood pressure spiked. I'm sorry to bother you," a contrite, sweet Rick said.

"Rick, you're never a bother, but if your BP goes up again, I have to end visitors for a few hours."

"Oh, we were just finishing Chrissy, I don't think it will be a problem anymore, sorry Darlin"

She leaned down, smiled, and kissed his forehead, "See that it isn't, we want you around a long time, got it?"

"What else can I help you with detective, you came to apologize, apology accepted, and the case is now out of your jurisdiction, so what else do you need to know"

"Why did you do it, Rick? You hate me, and you have the right, but why did you put yourself in such danger for me?" tears fell from her eyes as she searched for answers.

"You asking me that question just proved how little you really do know me. Good-Bye Detective." He rolled as far to his side as he could to avoid seeing her.

Kate was shattered, was Rick really dismissing her? It flashed in her mind the times she had been less than courteous to him when she had other suitors around. He wasn't mean or cruel, but his demeanor showed, what was it, yeah, disdain, and indifference. He didn't even watch as she tearfully left his bedside.

**FBI Headquarters**

**New York, Jordan Shaw's office**

**6 weeks Later**

Jordan had honored Rick's request, she had searched a method to minimize the damage to Roy's image and reputation. After a marathon of negotiations with her superiors, she finally received approval for the deal.

She was shocked when Roy was brought in for questioning under the routine procedure, he was already resigned to the fact that he needed to confess to his part in creating the monster, Bracken.

She had pulled him aside and offered a plea deal, retirement, no loss of benefits, and 5 years' probation in exchange for his testimony, and any evidence he could provide against Senator William Bracken, former DA of New York, which he willingly accepted.

This proved to be the smartest decision anyone had made in law enforcement in decades. Roy provided bank records, dates, transactions, and then Bracken's money laundering schemes from an insider's perspective. He had the complete roster, names, titles, a who's who of corruption in New York.

The takedown of Bracken and 11 key individuals had to be timed perfectly, or one loose rat could sink all of their work. Finally, it was set to happen, one week from Friday, but Jordan wanted Rick and his family in an undisclosed location until the smoke cleared. She worked with her one CI, (Confidential Informant) she trusted almost as much as her co-workers, Sean Finn, the gentleman that had first made contact with Rick about Kate's assassination.

Sean had been recruited once Bracken's goons had flooded his territory with street drugs, a huge error for any member of the Westies. It took Jordan weeks to get Sean onboard and to realize he could hurt the big man more doing what he did, than any street war.

The morning he delivered Rick to Coonan, he wasn't aware that Dick had already planned to kill his brother, Jackie, then take over watching Rick, and eventually killing both he and Beckett. He alerted Jordan who doubled the backup force size and coverage, a life-saving decision it turned out.

The plan was in place, now Jordan needed to sell it to Rick and his family without jeopardizing the mission. Sean was to ensure Rick, Martha, and Alexis got transported safely to a safe house in Vermont, only Jordan and Finn knew the exact location.

**Metro Hospital **

**Wednesday before Operation BDay**

Kate had tried to visit Rick on several occasions, since she had been sent away, without success. The last time she showed up Chrissy, Rick's private nurse was waiting for her.

"I'll give you this Detective, you're determined. If any man had told me to take a walk as many times as Rick has you, I wouldn't set foot within 100 miles of here. Where's your pride?"

"It's in his soul, my pride is what cost me the love of the man I love with all of my heart, and he won't even listen long enough for me to tell him," Kate replied quietly,

"OK, ok, I'll see if I can get him to see you for at least a few minutes, but Detective, they have worked his ass off in therapy, so he very well may be asleep," Chrissy said, noticing the tears in her eyes,

A few minutes later Chrissy came to the door, "He said for a few minutes, but as I said, they have exhausted him in therapy, and he's so frustrated he can't go home yet."

Kate entered his room and took the initiative, walking directly to his bedside and sitting down as close to him as she could without hurting him.

"Rick you may not want to hear this, you may not be able to believe it, but if you give me the chance, I'll prove to you, not only the sorrow I have for what I did, what I allowed others to do, but, well, God Damn it Castle, I love you, I've been in love with you for almost a year now."

"You weren't supposed to be able to get past those walls I put around my heart, no one was, but YOU did. I couldn't deal with REAL, that's why the substitutes and all of the men with one foot out the door."

"I know I haven't earned the right, but you have to know this, I am being truthful, this isn't a ploy to hurt you or get you back to the station, hell, I just want to be with you anywhere. I miss us, Rick, I miss you." Her tears took over her voice,

Rick sat looking at the ceiling, anywhere but in her eyes, if he locked eyes with her, he was a goner and he knew it.

"Rick, please say something, I know you know how hard this was for me, and I don't expect to hear it back, I just had to tell you. I was so frightened when you were hurt by Coonan, I wanted to die if you did, without you, I have no life."

"Kate, I appreciate you telling me, do I believe what you say, not today, not now. Maybe someday if you continue to prove I mean more to you than some cause that will get you killed, but I won't ask, you have your priorities and they are yours to keep. I would never ask you to put me in front of your quest for your mother,"

"I will Rick, I swear I will, you just have to give me the chance to prove it to you, please Rick, can you, will you do that, please?"

"I'm pretty tired, now"

"Sure, Chrissy told me how hard you were working in physical rehab, I'll call you later OK?"

"No, I'll call you, I need a couple of days to process all of this," he said softly, still not looking at her,

"OK, I understand, call me anytime, day or night Rick, please give me the chance, please." She bent to kiss his lips, and he turned his head so she got his cheek,

Tearfully she made her way out of the hospital and back to her apartment, hurting more now than she had ever hurt before in her life. She had no one to blame but herself, but that didn't dull the pain, whoever said love hurts sure got that right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 7**

**Metro Hospital **

**Later that evening,**

**Wednesday before Operation BDay**

Chrissy, Rick's private nurse started the chain of events happening when she received a call, fake of course, but an alibi to get her out of the hospital, she was needed at her mothers in another state, since things weren't looking good for her ailing mother.

Martha and Alexis had taken the car service to a play, went in the front door, and entered another limo in the alley in the rear, to take them to the rendezvous point. Rick had received a one-word text, DAD which meant he was up. He made a point to raise all kinds of hell and proceeded to check himself out of the hospital against medical advice. It was quite the scene, and no one on the entire floor, patient or staff missed part of his award-winning performance.

Once he had signed all the waivers an older gentleman was ready with his wheelchair to push him to his ride. The gentleman gave Rick the be quiet sign, finger over the lips, as he pushed him to the loading area for discharged patients. It was there that a body double was loaded into the limo at the same time Rick was being loaded into a cab.

Three blocks later, they switched out the cab for a white limo, but to anyone at the hospital watching they really couldn't say which mode of transportation Rick had taken. If they were tailing him, they would be following his body double in the black town car Rick normally used.

Twenty minutes later they pulled into what appeared to be an abandoned airstrip, where Rick was reunited with Alexis, his Mother, and Chrissy his nurse as well as a new doctor who would be flying with them on the Airbus H-155 private helicopter. It had been fitted with a hospital bed and all supplies for Rick, and still sat 8 passengers comfortably.

The older gentleman who had pushed Rick's wheelchair out of the hospital made his appearance,

"Mr. Castle, sorry for my rudeness but we have a common friend in Jordan, I'm Finn, Finn Rourke. I'm sorry about handing you over to Dick Coonan, it was supposed to have been Jackie, but if I backed out then, Dick would have killed us both. I did notify Jordan and she doubled the coverage, again, I'm sorry you had to go through what you did."

"Son of a Bitch, you're lucky you told me, Finn, I was about to take out a contract on your ass, look I understand what you had to do, but for now, just stay away from me."

"Understood. Boss lady will have plenty for me to do soon, so I'll stay out of your way till then. Look I loved Jackie like my own son, and his little bastard of a brother took him out without mercy, so when he got his due, I shed nary a tear."

Once everyone was aboard, Rourke handed a slip of paper to the pilots and they were off to Vermont. It was a safe house, well mansion, 14 bedrooms, 6 baths, located near The Lodge at Spruce Peak, in Stowe Vermont.

It was beautiful, Rick almost forgot why they were here, it wasn't a vacation, but an attempt to keep all the families safe from things that were going down on Friday. The Cadillac Escalades took them to the home, where to Rick's surprise, Evelynn and Roy's two daughters were already settled in.

"Hi Rick, how are you feeling?" Evelyn asked very timidly,

"I'm good Evelyn, don't go beating yourself or Roy up about this, at least he's making his mistake right. He's a good man Evelyn, this doesn't change anything in my eyes"

Tears came to her eyes, as she hugged Rick gently,

"You always know just exactly what to say, Rick, Thank You. If we can help you, please let us know OK?"

"Sure, thing but I brought my nurse", just as they hear, "Rick, get your ass to bed, you're not well, and you're on my watch. Don't make me come in there and embarrass you" Chrissy came through the door as her face turned a bright red, and Evelyn couldn't help but smile,

"I'm sorry Rick, but you do need to be in bed, come on, I need to run your vitals and check to ensure nothing was damaged in flight"

"See what I mean Evelyn, she only does it because she wants my body," Rick laughed,

Chrissy is not one to back down, "Buster I got your body when it was broken, but you're right, I do want your body, all back in one piece so my fiancé can kick your ass for making a pass at me" she laughed

**Stowe Vermont**

**4 Hours Later**

Rick had settled back into the hospital bed, with Alexis and Martha by his side till he dozed off. The trip had taken a lot of energy, but Chrissy was so happy that everything was holding and he was still on his way to recovery. His ladies kissed him and then left for dinner. They ran into Chrissy in the hall, and asked if she wanted anything, she smiled shook her head and pointed to a chef serving trays for her and three of the medical staff on hand.

The ladies excused themselves to go to the Master Dining Room, there was a buffet dinner that would satisfy anyone's tastes from sushi to pizza and a complete bar, one that Martha quickly became accustomed to.

After most had eaten and retired to their rooms, Jordan Shaw appeared. Apparently, she was coordinating the raids on 9 different locations from her vantage point here in the safe house. She looked in on Rick on her way to her war room, and surprisingly enough he was awake and motioning for her to come in.

"Hey what are you still doing up, you should be resting Rick, don't tell me I wasted all of these taxpayers dollars did I?" she smiled,

"Jordy we both know my tax dollars alone would buy a hell of a lot more than this but thank you." As tears come to his eyes,

Jordan is right beside him, sitting on the bed, holding his hand in hers, "After tomorrow it'll be all over, and you can go back to your life, Rick. Hopefully, we can't say that about the 11 people we indicted, it should be the first of many nights in a filthy prison."

"You got a minute Jordan or am I holding you from something, you have eaten, haven't you?"

"Yes, big brother, I just finished, I returned my tray to the kitchen called Tom and Brianna and was just going to go over tomorrow's plans before I turned in, talk to me Rick, I can see it in your eyes. Something is eating you up."

"Well, I don't know where to start, but you're right something is tearing me up from the inside out."

"How about at the beginning, that's what my smartass friend always tells me." She smiled, kissed his forehead, and then got serious. "I'm here Rick, talk to me."

"Well, I know Roy and Evelyn will be OK, I'm guessing the family will be in witness protection after Friday, so I lost them as friends, that's a huge loss but at least he kept his dignity and pension, thanks for fighting so hard for him."

"Beckett came to me with some crap she loves me and walls, and I only heard half of what she said, I'm not strong enough yet for that, nor am I ready to forgive her, and that bothers me. I've always taught Alexis no matter what everyone deserves a second chance, but I'm struggling with the lies and hurt."

"I've been hurt before Jordy, but never with the malice, and viciousness that she not only displayed but encouraged others to join in on. I think that was the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me, including Meredith getting it on with her producers in our bed, why I don't know."

Jordan took a washcloth and wiped his brow, brushed his hair back and then gently took his hand,

"Rick, you have to do what you think is best, it doesn't matter what anyone else says, and you know what if it's meant to be it still will be just as much in 2 months, or 4 months from now, don't rush anything. I know how deeply you love, and I can only imagine, how deeply that hurt goes." She gives his hand a squeeze, the only thing Tom, Brianna and I want is for Rick to be happy and healthy."

Rick smiled, "I think I'm going to stay here even when everything is over, I have to talk with Alexis and Gina, but God she's 16 and never home anyway, I think she needs Gina at this stage of her life as much if not more than she needs old Dad."

"I agree she's getting to the age where a girl certainly needs her Mom, that's for sure, still not saying that she doesn't need you as well."

"Well with Facetime, and Skype hell it's almost like being there, and she could come, her and Gina to visit if they wanted to. I just don't think I'm ready to go back to how things were. My life passed in front of me after our friend threw me from the car, it wasn't a long film, but it was one I certainly wasn't completely happy with either."

"Are you trying to get me to try to talk you out of this because I won't." Tears welled then spilled as Jordan pulled Rick into a hug.

"Rick you'll never know how much you gave Tom, me and Brianna, never in a million years, and whatever it takes, however, we can help, please let us help you."

"Will you please come to stay with us, at least till the doctor clears you to be alone? You know we love you and please don't make me go home and tell Brianna something happened to her Uncle Rwik, she wouldn't get over it, I know it."

"You know sis, I was really hoping you would ask me that, I hate to admit this, but I'm sort of afraid of staying alone. Let me talk to Gina and Alexis, and I'll let you know, you sure Tom's OK with this? I mean I don't want to cause any pr..."

"Rick, he loves you like a brother too, and he knows that no matter what you would never try anything because you love our family too much to ever do anything to harm any of us, so shut up, and get some rest." She kissed his forehead and turned out his light as she left,

**Friday 9 Locations Across New York**

**Operation BDay **

Jordan had been out of sight of everyone since saying goodnight to Rick, she was on top of every detail, regardless of how small, she intended to make 11 arrests, with minimum risk to law enforcement and civilians.

Jordan's planning proved flawless, perhaps the most satisfying moment came when Federal Marshalls interrupted a campaign speech by Senator Bracken to arrest, cuff, chain his ankles and lead him out of the Federal Building.

At the same time, others were experiencing the same surprise, including one Detective Thomas Demming, Captain Veronica Gates of Internal Affairs, three county commissioners, three detectives, and 4 uniformed officers, all led away to an undisclosed location to be processed.

It didn't take long but Bracken's army that seemed to be invincible only days before were running for hiding but unfortunately for them, the dragnet was large enough to round up all but the lowest level soldiers.

Included was Vulcan Simmons, long reported to be the major source of drugs in Washington Heights and 5 of his army. It was a major win for the good guys and put a huge hole in the corrupt empire that had fed off the backs of decent people for years.

Rick was lost in his thoughts when a knock on his door came,

"Hey handsome, want some news to really make you happy Rick?" she asked with a glow in her eyes,

She then relayed the update, including showing him the clip of Bracken being arrested, the warrant actually stated for the murder of Johanna Beckett, among a host of other charges.

When she completed her update, she took his hands in hers and said, "It's over brother, for Kate, her dad, and for so many more. This would never have been possible if not for your courage, and your ability to think on your feet."

He began to blush, but Jordan held tight, "Rick people may never know your role in this operation but I could never have done this, we could never have pulled this off without you, so you're a hero.

"Unfortunately, it will be an unsung hero, because we never used your tape, Roy's evidence was all we needed, so your family doesn't have to go into Witsec, you can resume your life wherever, whenever you feel like it. I'm still holding out for Chicago and our place, at least for a few weeks" She hugged him tightly. "Rick, you're welcome to stay as long as you like."

There was a knock on the door, and they looked up to see Roy Montgomery, looking sheepish and awkward.

"Come in Roy, I was just finishing up with my brother here, I'm sure there are things you two need to talk about." She kissed his cheek, squeezed his hand and then she was gone.

Rick waited for Roy to speak, and finally, he said,

"Rick, I wanted to say how sorry I am that you had to go through all of this, if I were a stronger cop, none of this would have happened."

"Roy, I'll tell you what I told Evelyn the day I arrived, you're a good man who made a mistake, hell we all make them, and you can't beat yourself up the rest of your life for it. The main thing, was when it came time, you risked it all to make wrongs right again. That's all anyone can ask of you."

"You know Beckett is going to hate me, be so disappointed in me, but I did what I was told as a rookie, and as you said, I did my best to make it right."

"Roy, you can't worry about Beckett, or anyone else, hold your head up high, your family is paying a huge price for your bravery, starting all over with new names and new locations, I'm proud of you sir, it's been an honor to work with you."

Roy's head perked up, "How the hell do you do that, how do you find the compassion to forgive so many for so much, I wish I knew Rick, but you and I both know this is good-bye. Thank you for giving me a chance to make my stand, without losing my life. At least Evelyn and my girls still believe in me"

"Roy, we all still believe in you, one mistake didn't define you, if anything it made you a better cop. The two senior cops, Raglan and McCallister drank their lives away, you made yours better."

"Once again Roy, thanks for showing me so much, please wish Evelyn and the girls my best, God speed, good friend." They embraced in a bro hug, both fighting hard to hold tears in that were about to spill any moment, then it was time for Roy and his family to leave, and he was gone, not only from his room but wiped from the face of the earth, Roy Montgomery had left the building, but he helped fill up a federal prison in doing so.

Rick pulled out his laptop, pulled up a file, and then changed the dedication to the last Nikki Heat Book to read; **'To Captain Roy Montgomery, NYPD. He took a stand and taught me all I need to know about bravery and character'**


	8. Chapter 8

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chp 8**

**Stowe Vermont**

**Next Day**

Rick knew that he'd never see Roy again and he was at peace with that, they left on the best of terms, both knowing it was a final goodbye. He knew that Roy was going to a better place. One where he could live out the rest of his life with no fear of anyone coming after him. Of course, the government would have new names for him his wife and his children but he would be protected now. No matter how hard Bracken would look for him he knew that Jordy would never let anyone come within a mile of him.

Now he had to figure out what he wanted to do next. Could he go back to Chicago and stay with Tom and Jordan? Or should he risk returning back to New York now that he was free to do so? His heart leaped into his stomach with just the thought of returning to New York, he had already pushed away one attempt from Beckett to make it all better as she always did, and he knew he wouldn't be strong enough yet to really get closure, he needed to heal, emotionally and physically.

He wanted to write but in a platform that wouldn't give him away, he had to be careful to avoid styles resembling anything similar if he were writing as Rick Castle.

At first, he thought of new pen names he might call himself. Alex is his first choice with Mark a close second, but what would the last name be, that seemed to elude him. He knew it had to be different enough to throw off readers to who he really was, after what he had been through, he was **DONE** with death, fiction or reality.

Out of the blue, he remembered a play his mother was in, and the kind stagehand that taught him Texas Holdem, what was his last name? Richards that was it, as he smiled thinking about how the student cleaned out the teacher the last time they played. He tried on Mark Richards for size and he hates it. Then he tried Alex Richards, yeah, it has a certain ring to it and he liked it so he'll go with that.

Set with the new pen name he took out pen and paper, he was going to work on an outline as he did in the old days. Maybe the magic would strike again. He's just about to start on the outline when Jordan came to his door, peeking around the corner to ensure she wasn't disturbing him.

"Rick, it's done. The arrest warrants were served and all of the people who've been involved with Bracken and his illegal operations have been taken into custody." She breathed a combination of exhaustion, and exhilaration with the success of the operation.

Rick looked up from the pad he was doodling on and saw the relief on her face. She was finally at peace and could relax a little he thought, another one for the good guys and the good citizens reading about it would never know just how important a role she played in taking down one of the evilest men in history.

"Jordan, are you okay with the way things turned out?" Rick asked.

"I am. We took down a man who thought he was untouchable. And along with him, we took down his network of assassins. I'll sleep a little better tonight."

"I am happy for you Jordy."

"So speaking of sleeping Rick, where will you be doing that for the foreseeable future? Will you please take me up on our offer, Have you talked to Alexis and Gina yet, because I have."

"Jordan. You know that I would be an imposition on you and Tom. I can't put that kind of strain on your marriage. And then there's Brianna to consider. What, when did you talk to Gina and Alexis and what did they say?"

"I told you, Rick, we would love having you stay with us for however long you need. I really think Tom is looking forward to evening up the gender deficit. Alexis doesn't want you to rush back to the old setup, I got her drift although no names were mentioned, and Gina was thrilled that she and Alexis could have some girl time as you healed in a neutral environment. So, don't think that you'll be an imposition."

Rick thought about how it would work out and he really didn't want to burden them but on the other hand maybe some peace and quiet would be in order.

"Alright, Jordy. I'll take you up on your kind offer. But only if I can help you out."

"Rick you are still recovering from being stabbed. There will be no pitching in. You will be recuperating with us and that's it."

Rick just threw her a glancing look at her and gave her his answer.

"I promise not to help you around the house. But I reserve the right to change that decision in the future."

Jordan had him. Not only will he be staying with them, but he'd also stay longer because he would ask to help after he was recovered. She only hoped that he has given this some thought.

Xx

Chicago was nothing like New York. Everything felt off. But he had to admit that people were a lot friendlier than they were in New York. Without asking, a man gave him a hearty hello, had a short talk about the city and he told him to have a great day after they talked.

**_Flashback to 12 hours earlier…_**

When they left the hospital in New York they created diversions so they couldn't be tracked that easily. When they got to Stowe, Vermont Rick was confident that when they left Stowe, he wouldn't need Chrissy anymore so when they boarded the jet to Chicago executive airport, Chrissy went to see her mother in Western New York. The flight was simply just a means to get from point A to point B. Rick was able to charter a medical jet with a tech that could monitor his vitals and keep him comfortable for the two-and-a-half-hour trip.

"Nice jet Rick, you're going to spoil this poor Civil Servant traveling in such luxury," Jordan smiled.

"Only the best for us." He replied.

Chrissy had coordinated the Medical Tech on board before she would board her plane to her long-delayed vacation to truly see her Mom. It worked out for the tech as well since her boyfriend lived in Waukegan and she could see him when they arrived in Chicago.

"Rick when we get to the airport Tom and Brianna will meet us there. I asked him to bring the Yukon, and remind Brianna that Uncle Rick was still healing, I'm sure she will want to help get you settled in."

"Thanks, Jordan. I appreciate this." he smiled thinking about his little friend,

"No problem Rick. It's what families do for each other, it may seem strange since you are usually the one giving, but we enjoy helping those we care about as well."

**_Present time…_**

Tom was waiting in the terminal with his daughter and when the plane touched down, she could not wait to see her uncle Rick. It took some time to get everyone off the plane and their luggage to the car but when they did Brianna could not stop talking about her uncle. She was so gentle asking him if his boo-boos were hurting, as she helped get him into the car, then climbed in beside him and held his hand. The touch of his little princess brought back a ton of memories for him and made him glad he decided to head to Chicago for a while.

**_2 Weeks Later…_**

Rick was starting to feel at ease staying with Tom and Jordan but he still had the feeling of being a burden to them. That emotion was wiped away when he saw the smile on Brianna's face when she came home from school and saw him sitting in the living room with his arms outstretched welcoming her home. In a way, she reminded him of when Alexis was her age every day was an adventure.

He had found a doctor that he liked and a physical therapist too. His first visits were rough and left him in a great deal of pain but the doctor assured him that it would get better as time went on. Somedays he'd find himself bored and would walk to the small park not far from Jordan's home heeding the doctor's advice that walking would help with getting his lungs back in shape. While he was there, he would sit on a bench and play the people-watching game trying to find the story of the people who walked by. What was their secret? Were they spies? Or maybe future CEO's.

It also brought his mind back to writing the last Nikki Heat. The previous one was still on the best sellers list and there were even talks about a movie again. That was something he never wanted to do ever again. Yes, he was honest with himself he wanted to write, but not the murders, not the blood, he had seen enough for his lifetime. Something new and fresh and not under Richard Castle. No, he would go with Alex Richards. He'd write something that no one would suspect. It was the perfect challenge, do something that his fans wouldn't spot in a hundred years, and on a topic, no one would ever consider Richard Castle capable of creating.

The sun woke him up early this morning. To be honest, sleeping wasn't the best because he was still having nightmares and in each one, it was Kate that was thrown out of the car by Coonan and she didn't survive because he was so angry at her that he ignored the man on the phone and didn't show for that meeting three days. Later they found her body in a ditch he would wake in cold sweats thankful that the room he had was in was on the lower level of Jordan's home.

Kate was often on his mind, but not in the manner a man in love with her would speak of. She seemed to appear when he was working on healing, from the physical and emotional pain he could not disconnect from her or her actions. The last time he had seen her at the precinct, was perhaps the cruelest day she ever showed him, unfortunately, the cruelty was directed at him.

Tom was working from home today and was just getting another cup of coffee when Rick came into the kitchen. He offered him a cup and as the dark liquid poured from the pot, a memory of skim free and two shots of sugar-free vanilla caused a small smile to cross his face. Tom was anxious to catch up, he had been working a ton of hours on his latest project, and often got home when everyone had already gone to bed. Thankfully Jordan was working local cases so she was home for Brianna, and he smiled as he said, "and of course she has her Uncle Rick."

Rick paused for a second and then asked, "Tom, could I talk to you man to man in confidence?"

"Of course, Rick, from the look on your face I have a pretty good idea what this is about, but please tell me what's on your mind, it goes no farther, I promise"

"That obvious? Yeah, I think I still love Kate, but I really don't know, every time I start having those feelings, I get a flashback of her and Demming and the last day I was at the precinct. Maybe it's a guy's pride, I really don't know, but I can't forgive the last two weeks of her actions, I've tried, I just can't"

"Rick, from my vantage point, and limited knowledge it's NOT a guys pride, she hurt you deeply, and the only overture she made was when you were fighting for your life. I know Jordan and Gina both wanted to take her to the parking lot but remained professional."

"Well that would help explain why my daughter seems to despise her, she changes the subject every time her name is mentioned,"

"Rick, how would you feel if a boy hurt your daughter, and before you raise your BP ten points, I only ask because that's how your daughter feels about you, she's hurt that you have been hurt. Is it fixable, that remains to be seen, and really it's a matter between you and Beckett, and what makes you happy."

"Thanks, Tom, that helped a lot, now the last question for today, I have really been thinking about writing again, BUT no murders or gruesome crime scenes, I think I have seen enough of those. What would you think if I told you I was writing a true love story, and please don't laugh"

"Rick, I would never laugh, and if you stop to think about it, love is like a two-edged sword, as deeply as someone loves they can turn it to hatred if mistreated. I think your love story would be a smash and say go for it"

**_Two Months Later…_**

Rick had finished all the chapters for Loves Journey and found that he had a clause in his contract that he could not only publish under a different name but use a different publishing house too. So, Alex Richards was born and his first book was well on its way to a small new company. Rick knew the hell he would catch from Gina and Paula and even Alexis, but this wasn't about them what he was doing was because it was his best way to heal.

Rick had been toying with the idea of staying in Chicago until the book was released, but he wanted to get a small place short term lease Jordan and Tom had been great, but it was time his doctor was pleased with his progress and his workouts he had finished. Plus, if Alexis came for a visit, she would have room to stay. Now all he had to do was tell Jordan.

**NEW YORK CITY**

The 12th had been working a lot of cases and Kate, along with all the staff were working a lot. It had been two months since Rick left under the cloak of darkness. She was surprised but Gina had texted her to let her know he was fine and she had received one brief, almost formal text from him, just a few lines confirming what Gina had told her and that was it. It was from a burner cell phone, she knew he would be too careful to allow her to know where he was. It had to be enough to know he was OK, that's more than she really deserved. She missed him so much and she loved him more she thought was possible, but it was clear even to her that her lack of judgment and unkind treatment, both hers and others towards Rick that caused this situation with no one to blame but herself.

_**Flashback…**_

Kate was sitting at her desk when her phone rang she picked it up "Beckett."

It was Lanie, she had been asking Kate to have a girl's night out but she flat out refused. Lanie lashed out,

"Kate, you need to live your life, and stop hoping by some miracle that Castle still loves you and will come riding in on a silver steed and rescue you, Girl, you need to get real"

"Well the last time I looked, your love life wasn't anything to model mine after, take care of your life and I'll take care of mine, and quit asking Espo for inside information before he's busted to traffic,"

That was the last time they talked unless it was work-related. She had also put Espo in his place for butting into her personal life. Now all she wanted to do was go home and relax with a soak in the tub but she had received an email alert about a new book from a new author. She was always looking for a new outlet when she signed up, she was thinking she should read something new, especially now that Rick had stopped writing, something else for her to feel guilty over.

**Beckett's Apartment**

Finally walking through her building's lobby, Kate stopped to pick up her mail and a package. Her hands were full as she pushed the button for the elevator without dropping anything. Reaching for her keys so she could open the door quickly and she is now inside. She closed the door and locked it. She's in for the night, in fact, she had the weekend off, it had been some time since she's had this much time to herself and the only thing planned was lunch with her dad. Then he was going out of town for his firm on Sunday.

Taking the dry cleaning into her room she changed into some comfortable clothes then returned to the kitchen to retrieve the Thai food and a bottle of red she had picked up, now she was settled to start the new book she ordered. Opening the package, she was instantly drawn to the cover. It was an image of the shoreline with a lighthouse's light beaming across the water. Interesting cover art, almost comforting in a sense.

Taking a sip of wine from her glass she opened the cover and when straight for the dedication, disappointed when there wasn't one and even more disappointing there was no photo of the author. This book seems different to her. She had become so caught up in the book, that she hadn't noticed that the wine bottle was empty. Not wanting to stop because in this story she saw herself, almost like this writer could read her soul the pain she brought upon herself and the hurt to others due to her actions, the tears that had formed and finally fell. She cried so hard it was affecting her breathing so she decided she had to stop, at least for tonight, and go to bed. As she searched for her bookmark to place in the book, she found a page that said dedication. She flipped to the page and when she read it she gasped. The tears returned and she was crying harder than any time since her Mom's death. The tears fell on her cheeks as she read the dedication.

_**To all those who set out to follow a journey to find, fame, fortune, the meaning of life or most importantly love. As you embark on your quest, many will wonder and ask you why? Just simply say it's because the heart wants what the heart wants.**_

_**Always!**_

Could this be! She dropped the book on the floor knowing that it was their word that he used. She knew it was Rick… or she hoped it was.


	9. Chapter 9

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower Mbeckettcastle, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chapter 9**

**Beckett's Apartment**

**Same Time Frame**

After picking the book up from the floor it seemed like an hour had gone by, but in reality, it had only been minutes that Kate sat on the edge of the bed. She was mesmerized by the dedication and had read it over and over again feeling with her heart that this book was written by Rick. The words on the paper seemed to jump out to her, in a sensitive way that his spoken words touched her soul, although she would never let on to it. Those words are the same ones staring back at her from the black ink on the pages. They also stirred feelings although not acknowledged, she had never forgotten the feeling that embodied her. She remembered the exact day that he said "Because the Heart wants what the heart wants" and anytime she would thank him for the coffee he bought or his help with a case, "Always" was his reply.

Looking at the clock it was past three am she was glad she had the weekend off, but who was she fooling? She would never get any sleep today because she had to find a way to find Rick and ask for his forgiveness. She could reason with herself that she was merely following Doctor's orders since it was one of the things that she and Dr. Burke had talked about in her sessions. She had returned to counseling sessions with him after all the drama with Bracken had come out and what was ahead for her? Solving her mom's case was the reason she became a cop, her future was so clear, so defined, now what was she supposed to do?.

After lunch with her dad, Kate decided she needed to get some things done in her apartment, she was going to begin her quest to find Rick and set things right between them. He may still hate her, and he had that right, but she would seek his forgiveness, and ask for another chance, that as Doctor Burke stated was all that was in her control. The remainder was up to Rick, to trust where she didn't deserve it, to love her enough to forgive her, to give her the opportunity to prove to him that she did indeed love him with all of her heart, and there was nothing more important to her than his happiness, hopefully with her.

It would have to be done away from the precinct she didn't want to get in trouble using her NYPD computer terminal to make inquiries into where Rick went to. Tomorrow she will call Ryan and explain her plan, and pray he would see just how messed up she had been and help her and Rick. He had to know how badly Rick loved and hurt from her, so she was praying Keving would remain the soft-hearted gentleman and friend.

**Sunday morning, Beckett's Apartment…**

Kate was up early this morning and she had been doing some thinking about the book which she just finished this morning after one am. She read the dedication again and began to think about the writers the name. There was not much of a bio and the name Alex Richards… there was something about it that she just couldn't figure out. If this was Rick then she remembered his middle name is ALEXANDER and RICHARD was the birth name he just added and so if that's true then Richard Castle is now Alex Richards. Now she had a lead she and Ryan could work on. Also, they would need to look into the information about the publishing house and its location and all about the authors they represent. In the back of her mind, she hoped that it will not backfire on her it was a risk she had to take if there were any chance of them being more and her showing him that he's her one and done.

**Coffee Joes Monday morning…  
**  
Kate had spoken to Ryan and he agreed to help her with her project so they were meeting at the coffee shop before going into the precinct. She'd ordered him a coffee and bear claw and it had just arrived when she saw him walk through the front door. He made his way into the café and he saw her sitting at a booth in the corner. They greeted each other and Ryan sat in the chair across from Kate. He thanked her for ordering for him and after taking a few bites and as he enjoyed his coffee, he updated her on the information he was able to garner. The publishing company who had issued the book Kate was certain was Rick's was a family-owned publishing house and had only been in business for a little under three years. The owner used to work for a very large publishing firm in New York, but his wife became ill and so he left the city for better alternative treatment programs. He moved to where she could get the best medical treatment she needed and that was at Chicago Mercy Hospital, where they settled into their new home and business.

"You know Kate, the way Rick is so protective of his work, if this truly is his, then he would want to be close to the publisher, especially a new one. His ex-wife isn't in the picture and to the new company, Rick would be just another new author, not afforded the leeway he had been in New York." Kevin made a lot of sense,

"Well, Thanks Kevin, we don't know that this is the company or even if the book was written by Rick, but it's a great start compared to where I was at yesterday. People may think I'm crazy, but I know Rick, better than anyone, and those are his words, I'm positive" Keven shot her a sympathetic smile, and then glanced at his watch.

If it were true, If Rick were able to get them to publish his new venture, he would want to be close to where his new publisher was located. Maybe Chicago is where he's at. Well, at least it was a shot. Looking at the time they needed to get going, Kate would go in first then Ryan in case Espo was around.

**Jordan's home near Chicago…**

Rick was in a good mood this morning Alexis had surprised him on Thursday. She came to visit for the weekend and check out his new place near Chicago. She loved the room he had made for her to stay in and of course he told her what she didn't suit her taste she was free to change. They spent time taking in all the tourist spots and shopping, she was her Gram's granddaughter after all so money was no object.

She brought him up to date about school and the classes she was taking and they knew she couldn't get away without seeing Jordan, Tom, and Brianna. Rick treated everyone to dinner that Saturday night and Brianna had the most fun playing with Alexis. After dinner, they said their goodbye's and gave hugs and kisses. Alexis had an afternoon flight back to NYC on Sunday so she could study and rest for Monday morning classes. Rick knowing that his daughter was burning the candle at both ends decided that they would have brunch and then he would see off at O'Hare. He watched as she boarded the plane and then watched as it took off, wiping an allergy drop that had leaked from one eye.

He spent the rest of the day going over paperwork and when his phone rang it was David Weston the owner of Weston Publishing. He had the sales figures and reviews for Loves Journey and it looked like it was a big hit and he was very happy. To Rick, this was a wonderful way to end his day and now it was carrying over into his upcoming week. Rick ate breakfast he decided to do some laundry so he went to get the bedding from Alexis' room. After gathering her sheets he dropped a pillowcase on the floor he bent down to pick it up and noticed a jacket slightly under her bed she must have dropped it and didn't know it. Teenagers, want to be so grown up but when did the floor become another closet in society, he smiled.

H loaded the laundry into the basket, and placed the jacket on top to hang up in the closet on the way. He opened the closet door grabbed a hanger and as he was trying to place it on it, the jacket slipped from his hand and a letter fell out from the pocket. He knew the writing on the envelope very well, but why would Alexis have a letter with his name on it from Kate?

He picked up the letter and his eyes traced over the words on the page. He never thought that Kate would write to him, let alone have his daughter bring it to Chicago for her. Then an eerie thought hit him, he wondered if his daughter and the detective have been talking. If that's the case then he can expect a visit soon form her because his daughter might have given away his location inadvertently. He reread the letter once more.

_Dear Rick,_

_I realize how much of a bitch I have been to you and I am so very sorry that. I was the one person who was able to drive you away from your life in New York City. I want to apologize and would like to do it face to face. Do you think that you could find the time to meet with me sometime? I have some free time coming up so just tell me when you are available._

The letter continued for a few more paragraphs but Rick couldn't stop thinking about WHY she would involve Alexis and why she would be so open in her letter, to begin with. He scanned down and her ending was short, just

_Kate_

He was a little off-kilter after letting her words sink in. Kate was never one to apologize. He read the date and discovered that this was written after he left the hospital.  
**  
12****th**** precinct conference room**…

"Beckett we've been over just about every place in Illinois where he could possibly be. Each time we've come up empty-handed. Maybe if we could narrow it down to one location and by that, I mean include Javi in this maybe we might get further along than just the two of us have. You do know that he has family in Lake Zurich. It's not that far from Chicago and I bet you that would be the place that Rick would go to." Kevin was trying to support his friend but the frustration was clearly setting in,

"Alright Kev have Javi meet us in the conference room and we'll explain to him what we need him to do," Kate said.

Espo knew something was going on with Beckett and Ryan but he couldn't prove it. He hated being left in the dark. That all changed when Ryan came to his desk.

"Espo, Beckett needs to see you in the conference room."

"Yeah what for?"

"We have a side job that we're working on that could use your insight."

Javi considers his friend's request and he can see the honesty in his eyes. So he gets up from the desk and heads to the conference room.

Javi realized that they've been at it for over three hours now and they all were getting cranky. They were hungry and they are short of patience. They have narrowed down the location to an affluent town not far from Lake Zurich, a little town called Forest Glen.

"Beckett, correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't agent Shaw have a house near there? I know that she's from the area and where we're concentrating our search might be just the place he would stay."

It was like a light bulb went off in her head. She knew Jordan was his friend and that would be the first place he would go where he could recover without being found out.

"Kev, Javi thanks so much I think I have an idea where Rick might be."

Kate left the conference room and immediately went to captain Montgomery's office. She was going to ask for a week's vacation so she could go out to Chicago to track Rick down. By the time she arrived at his office she realized that it was after hours and he had already left for the day. Her request would need to wait for the next day. In the meantime, though she could book her flight and rent a car. Then she can plan out how she can confront him.

**O'Hare International Airport…**

O'Hare was a lot like Newark International in the regard that people were always rushing to get somewhere quickly, one major difference, the lack of construction going on. She found the car rental location and picked up her car. She quickly studied the map of the surrounding area and the town she was going to. She knew she had to jump onto Interstate 190 when she left the airport and connect with Interstate 90 to her destination. She first decided to check into her hotel. She programmed the GPS in the car to bring her directly to the Hilton in Northbrook. It wasn't far from Lake Forest and with the next day being Friday she would start her search early in the morning.

She had Jordan's home address and decided to take a cruise by her house to see if there was anything out of the ordinary that she could notice. She was a trained detective after all so she would see things that no one else would. She stopped at the Starbucks on the way out and picked up her latte before she left. The ride was short and it took about 20 minutes to get to Jordan's house from her hotel. She parked across the street from the road that led to her home and waited. She was parked on the shoulder of Rockland Road and she was opposite Rockland Lane. If she was right Rick was staying at 15355 Rockland Lane.

Her wait was not that long. In the location where she was parked, she could easily slip down into the seat and no one would see that anyone was in the car parked on the shoulder. She watched as she and Tom drove past her in her FBI issued Yukon. There was no sign of Rick in the Yukon. She was tempted to drive to Jordan's home and confront Rick but decided against it. She had already pissed Rick off before by assuming things, so she would wait, and if she couldn't find him, then she would ask Jordan nicely to please let Rick know she was in town, to talk to him, no other reason. She could only pray that either she would show up, or Jordan would relay the message.


	10. Chapter 10

**Can't Lose Him**

Based on a series of prompts from our faithful follower **Mbeckettcastle**, we sincerely hope we did it justice and you enjoy our efforts. TOTALLY AU, we don't own the rights to any of the show's characters, only used for fun, the story starts out following Canon BUT we reserve the right to change times, dates, and ages to make our story plots work, Thank You, Tom, Tim, Cece AKA CTTFICFAN

**Chapter 10**

**Chicago**

**The following week**

Kate had been successful in alluding Jordan's gaze since she drove right past her car and pulled into her driveway. She fought off every animal instinct to go and get her man, well technically he wasn't her man, yet, but she wasn't about to let a technicality stand in her way.

She had been staking out Jordan's home for well over three hours, in hopes that she could see some sign of life, any sign at all, that Rick Castle, AKA Alex Richards, was living or at least visiting Jordan Shaw and her family. She was in a twilight thinking about Rick, and all the things she wanted to say when her phone rang with a local area code, 312. She answered it discreetly as possible thinking it could be the hotel or car company, instead she heard a voice that chilled her to the bone …

"Why don't you park your rental car in the far-right side of the driveway Kate and come in to visit, it's creepy when you stare" Jordan didn't miss much, and Kate thought for sure she had alluded her earlier,

"Besides you must have to go to the bathroom by now, you've been out there for over three hours and 12 minutes and drank that thermos of coffee, so get inside so we can find out just why the hell are you staking out my house" then the line was dead."

"What, I mean, how," Kate is thinking to herself, but she obeys instructions and pulls to the far-right side of the garage. The door opens and out comes the sweetest little girl, about 6 or 7 years old with Jordan right behind her.

"Hi Jordan, I'm sorry to meet your family this way, but well actually I'm looking for Rick, and I lost track of him after he moved from living with you"

"Same old Kate, always business before pleasure, why don't you just come inside, this is my daughter Brianna, Brianna this is Miss Kate I told you about working with when I was off capturing bad guys in New York."

"Hello Miss Kate, did you work with Uncle Rick in New York, because my Uncle Rick is very brave and smart, I want to marry someone just like him when I'm old like 24 or so"

Kate smiled at the term old at 24, but she knelt down and took Brianna's hands in hers.

"Yes, Sweetie your Uncle Rick, your Mommy and I all worked together, and you're right, he is very brave and smart,"

"Brianna why don't you show Miss Kate into the living room, and I'll be right there, OK?"

"Sure Mom, I'll be sure she is comfortable, Uncle Rick taught me to always make sure your guests are comfortable, before anything else. He also said to be sure to listen to what they say, so is there anything you would like to say, Miss Kate?"

Kate blushed as she saw the eye roll on Jordan, apparently not everything Uncle Rick had taught the little girl had received Mommy's seal of approval.

"Actually, I do, but do you mind if we wait for you Mommy to join us? We don't want to be rude, now do we?"

"This will only take a minute Kate, be right back and again, I'm sorry"

"Really Jordan it was I stalking your house, Brianna is doing a great job entertaining me."

Jordan stepped out of earshot of Kate as she was on her phone with someone, not unusual enough to raise any suspicions from Kate, who was now engulfed in an all-out conversation about ice cream flavors according to Brianna's biggest hero, her Uncle Rick.

As Jordan returned, Brianna concluded her story about the time Uncle Rick ate 15 different flavors of ice cream, and how sick he got. "I won't do that, Miss Kate, Uncle Rick was pretty sick," Brianna said with concern in her little blue eyes.

"We kept telling him not to mix the flavors but you know Rick, he had to do it to prove a point, and the only point he proved was that he was human and got sick. I don't think we could get him to go for ice cream for almost a month after that" Jordan laughed.

"Well, Miss Kate it was nice to meet you, but I know you have grown up stuff to talk to Mommy about, so I'm excusing myself to my room, is that OK Mommy?"

"Perfect sweetheart, thank you for being so polite"

"Goodbye Brianna, I hope to see you again, thanks for entertaining me while your Mother was busy."

She had already headed for the stairs, her iPad under one arm and her favorite stuffed bear, of course, a present from Uncle Rick under the other." She must have bumped the play button as the room was filled with Rick's deep baritone voice,

"Whenever you miss Uncle Rick just squeeze my paw, and see you can me hear me talking to my favorite niece in the world, Uncle Rick loves his Brianna, whole bunches," then his deep and sincere laugh filled the room.

"So, Kate what brings you to my door, all cloak and dagger, stalking me and my family? I'm assuming it has something to do with Rick, but why don't you tell me what's going on in your world." Just like Jordan, direct and to the point.

"Well, I'm assuming Rick and you have talked, you seem to be his best friend in the world, and I know I screwed up so badly. Things weren't going well between us, before, eh, well"

"You mean when Rick intercepted the assassin and almost got himself killed? He spent three nights in his car keeping a vigil on you and your apartment until Coonan caught on and damn near killed him. Even then he had the forethought of solving your mother's case for you, even if he died in the process.

So, to say things weren't going well between the two of you is letting yourself off the hook for behavior, quite frankly if you reported to me, I would have fired your ass and drove you to HR myself. When he described your behavior Kate, I thought perhaps he was exaggerating, but we both know it was as bad or probably worse than he described."

Kate hung her head, confirming what Jordan had suspected, Rick had only glossed on some of the events, but whatever happened had hurt him deeply.

"I love him Jordan, I finally got the nerve to tell him in the hospital, and it must have been too much, too soon, or I screwed it up somehow. He told me he would call me, but I haven't heard a word from him, and I know he's away from New York and everything familiar to him because of me." Tears had filled her eyes, and no matter how hard she fought some fell from her eyes,

"Well, I won't sugar coat this Kate, when he was hurt, and Alexis, Martha, and I talked in the hospital, Alexis wanted to have you thrown out, as she put it, let her go back to her boyfriend and leave my Dad alone.

Tom has talked to Rick, and between us, Rick does still love you, BUT he can't seem to forgive the actions of the last two weeks, especially the last few days before he decided to leave the precinct and end the Heat series."

"I know Jordan, that's why I traveled this far, tracked him down, even though his new pen name, Love's Journey is our story, and his dedication was and could only have come from Rick. What do I do, I know I messed up, so what do I do know?"

"Well, really that's up to Rick and you, by the way, he'll be here any minute and he knows you're here. Once he gets comfortable, go somewhere private Kate, tell him what you told me, and try to prove to him somehow this is more than words,"

"You called him here Jordan?" Kate's mouth flew open

"Well I figured you weren't sitting in your car to check out my husband so it had to be Rick, and I sure as hell wasn't giving you his private information, that's up to him."

"But here Jordan, I mean, I, eh"

"Relax Kate, Brianna and I have to leave for her dance lessons, you two will be along for at least 2 ½ hours so make every minute count."

The doorbell rang just as she finished telling Kate that Rick would be there any minute and that they had the house to talk in private for a few hours.

A minute later Kate heard his voice before she saw his face, and when she finally saw him, he looked good, really good. The only part that wasn't Rick was his eyes, they looked so sad.

"Hello Kate, been a long time, sorry to have kept you waiting but I'm still working on me." He said without any of the confidence, or swagger her Rick had. He seemed like he was so very sad, it broke her heart.

"Hi Rick, she blushed, wanting to run to him and hold him, but around the corner, the other apple of his eye had spotted him and was running to jump into his arms.

"Uncle Rick, I'm glad you made it before Mommy and I have to leave for dance lessons, Miss Kate traveled a long way to see and talk to you. Promise me you'll be nice while I'm gone"

"I pinkly promise" as the two formed their hands to allow their pinky fingers to interlock, and then they kissed them at the same time to make the promise work.

"OK, Mommy and I will be back, it was nice to meet you, Miss Kate, please make yourself comfortable," the little girl said, and she could see how Rick would compare her to Alexis, so smart and polite.

The door closed and left an eerie silence between the two of them. Kate finally broke it by saying,

"So, Chicago, not New York. You plan on making this your full-time residence Rick?"

"I'm not sure yet, there were too many hurtful things I hadn't dealt with in New York, so Chicago has been good to me, it's great being close to Jordan, Tom, and my little princess"

"I can see where you have your number one fan in her Rick, or is it Alex now? She pulled Love's Story from her bag, and finally locked onto his eyes,

"Well, that answers how you tracked me down, yes, it's my book, after recovering from, well as close as I want to come to death without going there, I wanted a different genre, I don't know if I will ever write again as Rick Castle."

"Rick, I read it at one sitting, well one and a half, I was crying so hard I couldn't see by the time I got to the ending chapters. This was our story you wrote, wasn't it? Why did you make it out to be your fault for anything? We both know that I hurt you so deeply you may never forgive me.

I wanted to come and tell you, face to face, so please Rick, just look at me, really look, I was an Ass, a stupid fool, and if I could turn back time, I would change a lot of things, mostly how I treated you. I wouldn't have waited until you almost died to tell you how much I love you; I wouldn't have let you out of my sight, and I would have been the one protecting you, not the other way around.

I told you in the hospital just how sorry I was, and I meant every word. I started back with Dr. Burke, it was tough, he was tough but I finally saw how things happened from your point of view, and if you hate me, I wouldn't blame you.

When I read the book, I could hear your voice in my head, it was the first time I had slept in over two months. Rick, I still love you, even more, today than the day I first told you. You asked for time, and I tried to give it to you, but I couldn't let this opportunity getaway, I've already wasted so many, you have to know that I would travel to the ends of the earth with and or for you."

She hadn't lost the lock on his eyes the entire conversation, and she knew he was uncomfortable with the things she said.

"Rick, please say something, anything, Babe, I don't blame you if you hate me, I hate myself a lot of times, then therapy makes it all make sense if that even sounds logical."

"I don't hate you, Kate, I love you, I have loved you since the second case I worked with you, but I am trying to find the forgiveness to allow us to be more than just friends now. I'm sorry Kate, I truly am, but Tom told me once as deeply as one loves, the hurt or some extreme cases that love could be flipped to the other side and wind up as hate."

"Rick, I can live with that, I want you to read this if you can or feel up to it. I'm at the Hilton downtown Chicago, and my cell is on. I have until Friday before I need to head back to New York, unless you want me to stay with you, no matter where we call home.

I don't need a title, nor a ring on my finger, I only want to be with you if you'll let me. This is my journal I wrote with responses to the actions in our book Love's Journey, they aren't as eloquent as yours, you're the wordsmith, but they convey how I felt when I read those passages.

I know you can't forgive me at the drop of the hat, I know you need proof, hopefully, this is the first step towards that. Rick, you're the only one this was written for or has seen it, so I hope I can convey my love, my commitment, and my promise to put your happiness before anything else in this world if you let me.

Please read it, and if you want to meet for dinner or someplace neutral to talk, please just name the place. I know you well enough by now to understand you need to step away, read what I have written, then form your conclusion on your next action, that's how you think, how you solve so many cases and what makes you such a great writer.

I'm going to step away now, to allow you what you need, just remember I love you with all of my heart, I will always, and I will follow you no matter where you wish to live. I'm just asking for a trial run to prove to you, I love you, Richard Castle, I'll wait for your call" as she pulled his lips to her for a short sweet kiss, and then was gone out the door.

Rick was in a state of shock, who was this lady, what had she done with Kate? She had gone to the trouble to track him down, based on some passages he had tried hard to disguise as anything Rick Castle would have written. The old Kate would have waited for him to come home, then pass it off as an everyday occurrence and ignore his feelings.

He turned to her journal and read the first few pages, it was one of the sweetest love letters to him he had ever read. He could see the tears that had stained the journal as she jotted thoughts of how she could make him believe in her, love, trust and putting him first.

She had already said she would leave her job at NYPD, something unheard of as short as 4 months ago, but now it was him steering their ship so to speak. As he read the next few passages, he knew that he needed to be alone, so he jotted a quick note to Jordan and Brianna and left for his Condo.

He read the entire journal and had also shed a few tears at her hurt, and forlornness of feeling she would forever be alone, torn between loving him and some pledge she made to avenge her Mother's killing.

The one entry that almost broke his heart was after the chapter that dealt with loss. She had written, "I used to think someone had to die to miss them this badly, now I know that they could be five feet away from you and you still miss and want them in ways that just can't be, at least for now."

He continued to read the journal, losing all track of time, until he looked up and realized it was past ten o'clock. He decided rather than call he would stop by and see if she was as much in love as he hoped she was. He arrived at the hotel about twenty minutes later, and a large tip coaxed the room number, 427 out of the clerk.

Standing outside her door he could hear the soft sounds of Kate crying, she seldom if ever cried. His knock on the door earned the muffled reply of "Just a minute" in a tear-stained voice. A moment later the door opened, and her eyes locked on his, her mouth moved but no words came out, as Rick pulled her into the deepest kiss she had ever had.

God that man could kiss, as they continued for a good 25 minutes, walking backward into her room and finding the couch to continue the make-out session. Finally, he pulled back, and said,

"I'm sorry I came so late, I got lost in your journal, and I had to see you tonight, I couldn't wait till tomorrow"

She reached up and pulled him towards her bedroom, "Rick I want you; I've wanted you in EVERY way for years and I know you love me, let me start by making love to you"

Rick started to say something, but her kiss covered his mouth, and Kate Beckett took charge of the first of many lovemaking sessions that night, followed by an encore the next two nights.

Rick finally took her home to his Condo, but by now, his excuse of staying away from New York was negated, only one thing that had bothered him remained to be discussed.

"Kate"

"Yes, Babe, you need anything?"

"No Sweetie, just for you to come here for a moment, something we need to talk about like we promised."

Kate appeared in the doorway, with a very worried expression on her face,

"What is it, Rick?"

"Well Alexis visited a few weeks ago, and this fell out of a jacket she left in the guest room, I just want to know was Alexis helping you find me or have you two decided to call a truce?"

"Babe, I was so depressed, Lanie sent Alexis up to see me, even though we had some tough times, your daughter was so kind and sweet, she even told me that you were doing great in your recovery. A few weeks later I asked if she could forward a letter to you for me, and she said just to be sure it was sealed since she didn't want to get in the middle of us, she loved you enough to accept me if I were your choice, no questions asked."

"I guess she planned on hand delivering the letter but it wasn't a good weekend in therapy, so she probably decided to hold back, anyway I found this, and I read it. I have to tell you; your Journal is the most in-depth look into your soul you have allowed me to see."

"Babe remember I wrote that for Your Eyes Only, even when I got here, I wasn't sure if I would have the courage to give it to you, but I'm glad I did" as she pulled him in for a deep kiss,

"Yeah, I'm glad you did as well. Are you missing New York yet Kate?"

"No, not as long as I'm with you, are you missing it, Sweetie, remember, I go where you go, as long as you let me"

"Would you move into the Loft with me, and allow me the time I need, but I think, no I know that you are the woman I want to marry, I just want you to get the whole Rick, not just some broken pieces of him"

Tears filled Kate's eyes as she locked onto his, "Listen, I would marry you today, tomorrow, on a deserted island I don't care. I just want to be the one you wake up to every morning, and the last thing you see each night, I love you Rick, more than I thought possible. Am I a little scared? Hell Yes, but as long as I have my partner with me, we can tackle anything"

Rick locked onto her eyes, and then said sweetly, "Well let's go home and start planning a wedding, that is if you'll take this," Kate realized then he was on one knee and holding out a beautiful engagement ring,

"YES, YES, YES, I will marry you, Rick, Let's go home we have so much to discuss, but Babe, I meant it, I love you, whatever you're comfortable with,

The engagement was celebrated typical Rick and Kate style, in the bedroom, for over two days only leaving to shower, eat and return to pledge their love.

She thought what a journey, it all started out when she uttered those words, "I Can't Lose Him" and now she never would let him go,

_**The End**_

_**Mbeckettcastle Thank you for the prompt, we hope we did it justice for you and you enjoyed the read as much as we did the writing of this. If anyone has prompts or knows of a deserted story, EXCEPT SEASON 8, please let us know. So far, we have been declined to be allowed to take over 4 of your requests, but we will continue to try.**_

_**Thanks**_

_**Cece, Tom, Tim**_


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